Happy Belated Birthday to Me!

I turned the lovely age of 28 yesterday.   It wouldn't have been so painful if it wasn't for the early birthday present I received on Monday, yet another failed IVF.  I spent most of my birthday alternating between being very angry and being very depressed.   Just when I think I was holding it together something would happen to set me off.  I felt like I was safe putting in grades when I get an email from my mother.  The first thought that pops into my mind was "Will I ever get to send my own child a birthday email?"  As crazy as it sounds, I spent the next five minutes with my head on my desk sobbing.   I was similarily sidelined at team meeting by the innocent suggestion to "thank my parents so we could have an excuse to have sweets."  It seems like nothing but it took everything I had to hold back tears. 

The highlight of the day?  I got to see my RE and once again ask what went wrong.   Thankfully my mother came with me to support me since Sean had to work.   We both decided to say nothing until the RE has said his piece and then we can jump on him for another failed cycle and how I want to get a second opinion.   Well we never had to speak up at all.   He started with explaining what he thinks is going wrong.   1) Our embryos do not do well in the lab setting, so doing 5 day transfers are not helpful. 2) He believes our embryos have stronger than normal shells and therefore they cannot break out and become blastocysts.   He recommended going back to a 3 day transfer, but use a process called assisted hatching.   During this process the embryologist takes a small laser to cut holes in the shell of the embryo to help it hatch easier.  Amazingly this doesn't affect the embryo at all.  In conjunction with this, he wants to add some antibiotics and a drug call medrol to help reduce infection and swelling before transfer.  His third and final recommendation was for me to get a second opinion!  I don't think my mother or I expected this.   He says that it is important for me to talk with another doctor and to see if they have any suggestions that he may not.   He did request that Sean and I come back after to discuss with him before making our final decision about IVF #4.  

This morning I booked a consult with the head of IVF at Brigham and Women's.   We were lucky enough to get in this coming Monday because of a cancelation.   I am very interested in seeing what this new RE says, especially my current RE says she is one of the best there.  I am hoping she sees onr or two things differently that could help make us successful.  Afterwards we need to decide where to go.  I think it will depend on a few things.   How we feel about her and what suggestions she makes.  What types of testing B&W does during IVF cycles.  How frequent and successful each clinic is with assisting hatching.

Overall, my birthday ended better than it started (with a couple glasses of wine, sushi and dinner with my parents).  I just hope this is last birthday that I celebrate childless.  It was hard last year; it was harder this year; I can't even imagine what it would be like next year.