When I started the cycle I was so very positive. There is nothing wrong, so this has to work. Well it seems like everything just doesn't want go my way. After talking with the clinic and saying that I really wanted to try a 5 day transfer, my RE looked at the embryos and agreed to it "against protocol". Yup that's what the record said. I wonder if that is code "patient is a b*tch, let's just appease her.". All of this would be well in good, if our embryos cooperated, but they didn't.
By day 5, the embryos should have developed into the blastocyst stage. None of mine had made it. Three were morulas and the rest were still embryos. This can't be a good sign. The doctor assured us that this isn't a bad thing; it simply could mean that the embryos were slow growing. As much as I tried to convince myself of this, I couldn't get past that our embryos aren't where they should be. This is one of our last chances (we both agreed to do this only one more time) and once again things are going our way. I spent the next thirty minutes sobbing through my $75 acupuncture session and some of the way home. Once I got home, I jumped online to get some information about morulas. Some places say it is possible for these embryos to grow and be successful pregnancies, but not as much as regularly developing embryos. Some places say that the chances are incredibly small. They point to a problem during ICSI or with egg or sperm quality. This once again leads me to believe something is wrong and the clinic just isn't looking for it.
I am holding out hope and putting on a strong face for all those around me, but in my heart I am sure it won't work. I have already begun thinking about how we could possibly pay for adoption, which is something we will be starting if this cycle fails. I hope I am wrong and don't spend my birthday in tears. I just wish this could be easier for us. What did we do to deserve it?
No comments:
Post a Comment