What a pain in the @ss!

No I'm not talking about my darling husband; I'm talking about the lovely intramuscular (IM) injection that I get to enjoy in a few brief hours.   Even though getting a 1.5" needle stuck in my butt cheek is exciting enough, it gets better.  This needle is my trigger for my egg retrieval which is scheduled for 9:15 on Saturday morning!  

This injection represents the fourteenth needle that I have been stuck with since Sunday: 4 nights of gonal-f (stimulating), 5 mornings of lupron, and 4 blood draws.   In addition to all this, I have been up at 4:45 and out of the house at 6 for the last three mornings so that I could drive down to the home of the AFC Champions for blood work and ultrasound.  My plan of running into Brady and getting Super Bowl tickets didn't work, but I did get the chance to move forward in my cycle.  This IM injection is just one thing in a long list of things that I have to do on my journey to have a child.

After the retrieval on Saturday,  we will have two embryos transferred on Tuesday and hopefully they will snuggle in for a long rest.

Be Thankful for What You Have...

This is a concept that so many of us forget about, but sadly I was reminded of this last week.   A week ago Thursday I, along with my colleagues, had to do one of the hardest things ever asked of us:  tell our students one of their classmates had died the night before.   This student was one who who touched every person he interacted with.  He was a strong student, strong athlete, strong musician, and just an all around fantastic kid.   He was definitely one the smartest students I have ever had and on top of that was always willing to share his ideas and help out his classmates.   He is already sorely missed and my heart still goes out to all my students and his family; this definitely cannot be easy for any of them.

But as with many horrible events, we must try to find the good in this early passing.  Way too often, we focus on everything we do not have instead everything we have.  I'm definitely very guilty of this.  Come on, I have a whole blog devoted to the child(ren) I don't have.  Even though we are still working (very hard) to fill this area of life, there are so many things that I do have.   I have a condo which has almost been entirely renovated since we moved in.  I have a job that I love.   I have three furbabies who keep me entertained and warm.   I have an incredibly supportive husband, even though he has enjoyed giving me shots the last few days.   I have an amazing family and incredibly fantastic friends.  I work in a building that is more than a family than I ever expected it to be.   I know everyone i there to help me if I need to.   I'm very lucky to be a psuedo-aunt to my friend's incredibly sweet and perfect 10 month old.    I'm also very lucky that I have two good friends who are each expecting their own little girls this coming June.  It is all of these things that I need to focus on, even though I can still feel a huge whole that only a child can fill.   Please take a minute or two to hugs the ones you love and to take a look at everything you do have; you never know when something will be pulled away from you.
   It is with this thought in mind that I have moved forward with my cycle.   I was able to start my stimulating medication on Tuesday.  Luckily I feel no side-effects yet after three days of stims.  By this time in my last cycle, I was already starting to feel full.   I hope that I still have tons of follicles growing strong; my RE said that the lupron (my morning shot) can make the follicles grow a little slower.   I go into the doctor again on Sunday morning (Gotta love those 6 AM drives to Boston) and then I will be starting morning monitoring.  ER and ET is just around the corner!

New Year...New Cycle...New Hope

What a better way to start 2012 than officially starting IVF #3.   I got to wake up early (on the last day of vacation) to give myself the first shot of Lupron.  This officially starts my third cycle.   It is also one of the many changes that goes along with this cycle. 

1. New RE:  as I said before, we decided to move clinics and REs after the last failed cycle.  Even though it is pain to have to drive to Boston or Foxboro for all my appointments, there is a lot of comfort coming going to a clinic that is part of a much larger and such well known clinic as Brigham and Womens.   I have a great doctor and a great nurse.   I know they will walk me through this procedure and answer every (often stupid) question that I have.
2. New Protocol:  Our new RE decided to do a different IVF protocol, so out of the seven medications that I will take throughout the cycle I'm only using one that I have used for fresh cycle before.  Everything else is brand new and should help our cycle be successful.   The lupron should help me grow good quality eggs, the medrol and doxycycline should help keep everything healthy once transferred, and the estrace and progesterone in oil should help to keep my lining fluffy and a place the embryos want to stay for a long time.   
3. Assisted hatching:  Another change the RE wanted to make was assisted hatching; something that is done frequently at their clinic.  This is when the embryologist will cut a small hole in the shell of the embryo prior to the embryo being transferred.  This is a common procedure for women with multiple failed cycles. It is believed that the shell can be too hard for even a high quality embryo to break through on its own. The negative about this is that it increases the chances for twinning.  However my dad swears this is how I'm going to get my three kids, all in one swoop.  Let's hope he is wrong.  Three might be a little much in our 1000 sq ft condo.
4. Acupuncture:  Well this isn't exactly new, but it is a return.  After my last cycle, I took a few months away.  While the appointment were always relaxing, I guess I needed a few months where I wasn't getting stuck with any needles.   I went back for my first appointment last week, and this just added to the list of all the new things we are trying this cycle.  He has a new office and has decided to do a slightly new treatment which includes less needles.  I may actually get through this cycle without leaking

With all these new things, I have new hope.  At least at this moment, I feel very similar to how I felt when we started our very first cycle.   I feel as though it will work.  I am very hopeful and positive.   I really hope 2012 is our year and that we get to meet our baby before 2013 hits.

I hope 2012 brings all of you everything that you are hoping for.