tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90572292871968189062024-03-13T14:02:04.093-04:00Love, Marriage, and a Baby Carriage!Musing on love, marriage, life and infertility, parenting and now TTC!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-3472996345848736172015-09-14T19:01:00.002-04:002015-09-14T19:01:28.540-04:00The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway!Sean and I are smack in the middle of our next cycle, a frozen embryo cycle. From our fresh cycle, we have three frozen blastocysts. We will be transferring one; we cannot even think about what our lives with twins would be like; we don't even want to take the chance.<br />
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My emotions and thoughts about this cycle are really all over the place. We have never had blastocysts to transfer at all during our infertility journey. This time we have three almost perfect ones frozen. Since the last time we froze our embryos, great advances have been made in the ways embryos are frozen and thawed. In theory, these blastocysts should give us almost as good as a chance to get pregnant as a fresh cycle. Some studies say that frozen cycles now are more successful, because they put less stress on you body. This would also be the last cycle that would give us decent timing with school. I would be due the beginning of June, so I would have a few weeks of maternity leave and then the summer. Not the best, but still better than the next few months would give me. All of this is making me very positive and happy about the cycle. This is also technically cycle 4 (including our canceled cycle); I got pregnant with Olivia on our 4th cycle the first time through.<br />
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On the other hand, I'm still struggling with all the babies that around us. There were numerous pregnant bellies welcoming me back to work. My facebook feed is filled with new babies, many of which have siblings Olivia's age. It is a continual reminder of what others can have and we can't. This is not a thought I want to focus on, but it help but creep up. Cycling, no matter how easy, also puts a lot of strain on our day to day life. I find that I am more tired and less patient with Olivia's toddler actions (this may be due to the medications, being back to work, lack of caffeine or a combination). It is not fair that she often pays a price for our infertility issues. All this just compounds to make the cycle even harder to deal with.<br />
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No matter my feelings, we are pushing forward with the cycle. Our transfer is scheduled for Saturday, September 19th. A weekend actually throws in new challenges that a weekday does not. Any given weekday, coverage for Olivia is already set. Now that it is Saturday; we struggled to find someone to watch. If everything goes well, they will thaw one blastocysts and transfer it. If the blastocyst doesn't thaw correctly, they will thaw a second and transfer the one that survives.<br />
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Hopefully this will be it for us and won't need to do any more cycles. If it doesn't work, I am seriously thinking about taking a break and meeting with the doctor again. This will be our 3rd failed cycle (2 frozen and 1 fresh). After 3 cycles last time (2 fresh 1 frozen), I changed clinics. I have no desire to go back to a clinic that only does ART, but I definitely would like to try a different protocol. Also I don't want to have the chance to give birth in the summer (especially July) since it would give me no maternity leave other than summer break.<br />
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We will see. Please send me all your fertile thoughts on Friday!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-75507321585250740642015-08-20T14:26:00.002-04:002015-08-20T14:26:44.848-04:00It's just as difficult as beforeThis cycle I began so confident. This is exactly the protocol that gave me Olivia after 3 failed IUIs and failed IVFs. When I found out that we had 3 perfect frozen blastocysts, I was even more confident. Then it came closer to my testing time. I had none of the symptoms that I had when I was pregnant with Olivia. I still refused to test; I held out hope that it still could be positive.<br />
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I woke up Monday morning with a really split mind; I was 50% sure it work and 50% sure it failed. I got myself together and went in for my blood test. Luckily the nurse called me early to put me out of misery. The test was negative; I was not pregnant. The "perfect" protocol didn't work. The strong embryo that was transferred didn't work. There is no way of us knowing what went wrong. The embryo could have just arrested. The assisted hatching may not have fully worked. The uterine lining may not have been the right thickness. It just didn't work.<br />
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I was heart broken. This cycle was perfect for so many reasons. It put a lot of stress on my family to complete a fresh cycle. I was stressed and everyone else fed off that. This is not something I would want to go through again, so it had to work. This cycle would have given me an end of April baby, which is perfect for a teacher. My maternity leave would bring me to the end of school. I would have a full 8 weeks to bond with the new baby while Olivia was still in day care. Then I would get the summer to bond with both of them. We only did one frozen and one fresh cycle; this would be easy for us. This cycle was just supposed to be the one, and it wasn't. <br />
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I just felt numb but needed to keep it together as much as I could, especially around Olivia. She knew something was wrong even when I called my mother to tell her. They were in the car together and at hearing my voice, Olivia asked "Mommy what is wrong? Your voice sounds funny." There is no hiding anything from her. So I bottled up as much as I could, but it ended up coming out that night. I spent the night going through all the emotions that I hide away all day. I thought about the fact that we have an empty room that really has no purpose. I thought about the fact that Olivia needs a sibling. I thought about the fact our family isn't complete. I thought about the fact that so many people don't even come close to having to struggle with this. Why do we?<br />
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Then I started going through all the things I did wrong. I mean, there had to be something I did right? There was a strong living embryo transferred and something happened within my body that stopped it from becoming a child. Did I not enough healthy food? Should I have avoided eating ice cream and drinking cold water which cooled my uterus? Should I have worn socks all the time? Should I have done my mediation every night? Should I have eaten more orange foods after transfer? Should I have drank more pomegranate juice prior to transfer? Should I have tried not to get so stressed when Olivia was having temper tantrums? Should I have not allowed her to snuggle on me much? Should I have watched how I played with her? Honestly I know deep down that I have done nothing to cause this to happen. IVF is not a 100% guarantee of a pregnancy. It doesn't make me feel any less guilty and less out of control. <br />
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So where do we go from here? We have decided to go into one more frozen cycle before we take a break and revisit it all. We have chosen not to meet with the doctor again before the cycle. This appointment would push back the start date until next cycle which would give us a summer baby (sad that I really need to think about that). We also know what frozen cycle entails even though this time we are using a blastocyst not an embryo. Also what could the doctor possibly tell us? There is no reason why it's not working. If the next cycle doesn't work, I am going to ask for an appointment. There must be something else going on.<br />
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As soon as we get approval from insurance we will begin our frozen cycle. Because there is a new way of freezing the embryos, there is a much higher chance of survival and success rates are almost comparable to fresh cycle. The cycle will follow the same protocol as the previous cycles: baseline bloodwork, estrogen, ultrasound, progesterone. Simple. Hopefully this one works. It's getting very hard to have to keep failing when we keep getting lapped by others. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-44189729274905397602015-08-14T08:52:00.000-04:002015-08-14T08:52:24.238-04:00Walk of Hope<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know that I said I would be taking a break from blogging during my 2 week wait, but this post isn't about my cycle; it's about something more important: RESOLVE New England Walk of Hope.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before I ask for your support, I want to give you a little background on the organization and the walk.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">RESOLVE: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">According to their website, RESOLVE is "<span style="background-color: white;">non-profit organization with the only established, nationwide network mandated to promote reproductive health and to ensure equal access to all family building options for men and women experiencing infertility or other reproductive disorders."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">The organization works to help support men and women are dealing with infertility. They offer support groups, as well as advocacy groups. The organization also helps to empower men and women to raise awareness about infertility on local and national stages.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">WALK OF HOPE:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">The walk is "one morning, one mile to unite one community". Not only is the walk a major fundraiser for RESOLVE, but it is also an opportunities for members of the infertility community to meet and support each other, no matter where they are in the journey. Fur babies and ART babies, alike, are welcome to join their families. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">The money raised from the walk is used to support all the RESOLVE programming including support groups, up-to-date information and advocacy. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">This is the first time that the Walk of Hope has been held in the New England area. It will be held on September 27th (a fantastic date...also my birthday) at the Endicott Estate in Dedham, MA. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">I have created a team (Works of ART). Please consider donating or joining our team. I would love to have you all. I will provide T-shirts and breakfast to all that want to walk with us. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Check out my team website at: <a href="http://familybuilding.resolve.org/goto/teamworkofart" target="_blank">Team Work of ART home page</a> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> (http://familybuilding.resolve.org/goto/teamworkofart)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16.6725006103516px;">Now a brief update on me: Nothing much to say I will have my pregnancy test drawn on Monday. I really don't have a feeling one way or the other. Some days I'm convinced it work; others I'm convinced it didn't. There really is no telling since mother nature was so nice to make early pregnancy symptoms almost identical to PMS symptoms. Tired: Check. Cranky: Check. Crampy: Check. At this point in time your guess is as good as mine, but I'm hoping I will have TWO works of ART by the time walk comes around.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16.6725006103516px;">To find about more about RESOLVE or the Walk of Hope, visit the Resolve homepage: </span></span><span style="line-height: 16.6725006103516px;">http://www.resolve.org/</span><br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-58126975172066512562015-08-04T16:07:00.001-04:002015-08-04T16:07:26.746-04:00It's now a waiting gameAfter waiting what felt like weeks, Sean and I made our way into Boston for our embryo transfer. We were told to be there at 11 for a noon transfer. If our retrieval was any clue, we should have showed up 30 minutes late. Actually we should have showed up 100 minutes late! That's right they kept infertility patients waiting well over an hour and a half. I made sure I had done my relaxation mediation on the way there, but that was basically out the window. I did the best I could to keep my mind and body relaxed. It wasn't easy with someone huffing and puffing next to me (I'm not naming names).<br />
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Thankfully, the nurse brought us back and we didn't have to wait much longer. Sean got into his scrubs and I got into my lovely hospital gown. The doctor came back and showed us our embryo. It was a perfect 8 cell embryo. It was time for us to get back into the OR.<br />
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Prior to transferring the embryo, the embryologists performed a procedure called assisted hatching. During the procedure the embryologist uses a pipette to hold one side of the embryo while a section of the other side of the "shell" is dissolved. <br />
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The procedure helps to assist the embryo to break out of the shell and develop into a blastocyst. We had this done with our last fresh cycle that gave us Olivia; this was the change that did the trick the first time around.<br />
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The actual transfer process is very easy. It takes longer to be set up than it does to transfer the embryo. I went in and the nurse helped get me in the stirrups and get my body in the correct position. Once this is done, the doctor does a sample transfer with an empty catheter. Then the embryologist brings in the "loaded" catheter. As the doctor transfers the embryo, the nurse is using an ultrasound to help guide him. Our nurse took a picture of the moment the embryo actually left the catheter. It looks like a little shooting star. We then wait for 2 minutes and the doctor removes the catheter and the embryologist checks to make sure it's empty. I then stay sitting for a few minutes well the room is straightened and then I'm up and out. Easy!<br />
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There is one more difference from my previous cycles: NO RESTRICTIONS! In my previous cycles before Olivia was born, I always had 24 hours of bed rest and then 24 hours of modified rest. After that I had to continue to take it easy and couldn't exercise or lift anything over 20 pounds. With my frozen transfers I just assumed things were the same. Because of that, I often carried a lot of guilt about picking up Olivia and basically being a mom. I decided to talk to my nurse. My rules were to take the rest of the day to relax and then don't do any exercise that includes bouncing. The exercise rule had nothing to do with injuring the pregnancy but with the swollen ovaries. It will take about a month for my grapefruit size ovaries to shrink back down to normal; prior to that they could twist which can cause some major issues. Honestly, these are easy rules for me to follow. I don't exercise more than just walking, and they allow me to go back to my life without guilt. I can pick up Olivia and actually be her mom without wondering if I am causing this cycle to fail, which I won't know one way or the other until the 17th.<br />
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Does that seem as far away to you as it does to me? I try not to test before hand, but I don't know how well I will do with this cycle. I have a lot of confidence that this will work, which isn't always the best thing. Positive thoughts over the next two weeks!<br />
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I may or may not blog during that, but if I do, I probably will not share it since the bulk of my story is over. Hopefully in a few weeks I will be bringing you all a celebratory post. However until then I want to leave you with our perfect 8 cell embryo (Sean named it Caesar because I won't let that into consideration for a boy's name). Notice the little mark on the right side; that is the assisting hatching.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oqOMQeqXbo8/VcEbdGrTmsI/AAAAAAAAAaA/GOqiytZ7g6M/s1600/IMG_2637.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oqOMQeqXbo8/VcEbdGrTmsI/AAAAAAAAAaA/GOqiytZ7g6M/s320/IMG_2637.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-87318962052995616242015-08-01T17:35:00.000-04:002015-08-01T17:35:43.936-04:00Enough eggs for an entire bakery!Yesterday, Sean and I woke up early (Hello 5:15!) to head into Boston for my egg retrieval. I was the first of the day, so they brought me right in got me prepped for surgery. In addition to all the normal taking of vitals and putting in an IV, my nurse also fully instructed me on Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). <br />
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As mentioned by my cycle nurse, I am at a high risk for this because of the number of measurable follicles and high estrogen levels. OHSS causes your body to deal with liquids in a different manner and causes liquid to pool in the abdomen. For many people, this simply causes bloating and some pain. Others may need to go to the hospital to have the liquid drained. Others may even need to be admitted to deal with issue. Whatever the case, getting pregnant while dealing with OHSS is not a great idea. The HCG (pregnancy hormone) causes the OHSS to become worse. This is one of the reasons why I only did a half a dose of the HCG trigger. This is also why it would be not be a great idea to transfer an embryo if I was showing symptoms. That would mean we would need to freeze all the embryos and do a frozen transfer. Hearing that news my heart dropped! I have not had a good history with frozen transfers. Two I transferred only okay embryos and one I didn't transfer anything. I know changes have been made, but I do NOT want to have gone through all this to not have a fresh cycle.<br />
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Not long after, I was brought into the operating room, and there was a flurry of commotion: doctor checking my cervix and uterus and all the machines, nurse getting my legs and body situated, anesthesiologists getting ready to put me asleep for the procedure. I don't remember much of anything after that except I was dreaming about Olivia. If I remember correctly, my first words to the nurse after I woke up was about her. Hopefully that was a good sign.<br />
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When I woke up a little more, I got the total of eggs retrieved. Ready for it? 28!! How in the world was that possible? I only had 20 measurable follicles two days earlier! How did that happen? I guess it explains my crazy high estrogen level; this is at least double what I have had before and almost 3 times what they want to see. First thoughts to that were...uh oh! I'm sure that not all the eggs were mature; if fact, I would not be surprised if about 10 weren't mature. <br />
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The doctor came not long after to discuss our options. He had spoken to my personal doctor, and they have created a plan. I will be taking a new medication (caberglobine) to help reduce any liquid that may pool. I am also drinking almost my weight in Gatorade. The association of reproductive medication recommends drinking over 120 ounces daily for each of the days following retrieval to help. I am also drinking a couple protein shakes to help. I supposed to look for excessive bloating, weight gain of a couple pounds within a day (though my body does that anyways), sharp pains in the abdomen and dehydration. <br />
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At the time he said to help make sure they don't transfer before the symptoms arrive, we need to wait until day 5 to transfer. Cue another panic. We did not have good luck with day five transfers in the past, though MANY things have changed in the four years since we last tried. If symptoms do show, the embryos will be frozen and the OHSS will be taken care of before we do a transfer.<br />
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Now how did those 28 eggs do with fertilization? 25 of them were mature and were injected with sperm and 23 became fertilized. Fantastic news, right? Then the on call doctor told me that we would be doing a 3dt or freezing on day 3. I had no clue where this came. I was told that this was in no way a possibility. The on call called the doctor who did my egg retrieval yesterday to try to figure out what was going on. According to her, he and my personal doc went back in forth for quite awhile yesterday afternoon trying to figure out the best plan. Great right? I'm glad they took the time, but at the same time the one thing I was told that wouldn't really be taken into consideration at all is the one thing that is pushing decision: my previous attempt at 5 day transfer at my old clinic. <br />
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If you remember from earlier posts, it was my concern about this that pushed us to want to do a 3 day transfer originally. My doctor said that she was doing that for us even though she was totally confident that enough has changed in the 4 years since then that the results would be different. I guess looking back at this changed her mind. <br />
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This means that I am going in for a 3 day transfer of one embryo on Monday. If I show ANY signs of OHSS then they will freeze all on day 3. There lies my issue with all of this. If we have to freeze all, I do not want to have to freeze with day 3 embryos. I have had 3 frozen cycles all with less than ideal thaw results. I do not want to deal with that about 11 times! I can't believe we are facing another cycle that is basically a waste. I also know that I cannot handle having over a year's worth of frozen cycles before we can try a fresh again. This cycle is such a whirlwind. I have gone from feeling confident to distraught and back too many times. I'm hoping for good news but preparing for the worse. Hopefully I will be coming home with a strong embryo for the last time because I'm not sure how much more I can put myself through. I don't know if I can deal with how bad of a mother and wife it makes.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-83964486962236122512015-07-30T08:17:00.000-04:002015-07-30T08:17:22.339-04:00A day without shots....what?You read that right! Today I will not have a single needle injected into my body. It seems strange. (Which when you think about it strange in and of itself; I really want to give myself an injection....I need help!). The reason for the needless day is that I triggered yesterday. Triggering is an injection of HCG that instructs the body to release all the eggs that have been developed. This is specifically timed with egg retrieval occurring 36 hours later. I took the injection at 8:30 last night, and I will be going into the operating room for my retrieval at 8:30. <br />
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The HCG shot was different t<span style="text-align: center;">han all the others I have been giving myself over the last few weeks. For both my lupron and gonal injections, I had a nice little needle like this: </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FoNepRCtmMI/VboSLDUIWDI/AAAAAAAAAZA/ESBh-0JRP_c/s1600/image2%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FoNepRCtmMI/VboSLDUIWDI/AAAAAAAAAZA/ESBh-0JRP_c/s320/image2%2B%25281%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Cute isn't it? It would go into my stomach. I would barely bleed (most days not all) and it wouldn't hurt...honestly.</div>
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Now my HCG gets injected intramuscularly (which means in my butt cheek) so it needs a slightly larger needle like this:</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qfFD_o8KZo0/VboSKXNh2xI/AAAAAAAAAY8/o961Fp9FTK8/s1600/image1%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qfFD_o8KZo0/VboSKXNh2xI/AAAAAAAAAY8/o961Fp9FTK8/s320/image1%2B%25281%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Definitely a little more scary! I won't lie these ones do hurt, but I try to ice it before hand (don't tell Olivia I use her Sofia the First BooBoo buddy) and it isn't as bad. We used this "little" needle to inject 50,000 units of HCG into my body exactly at 8:30. Now we wait and hope all things work the way they should.</div>
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How did they know I was ready for injection? I have been going into Foxboro for monitoring (blood work and ultrasound) over the last couple days. I had four appointments in total (Friday, Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday). At these appointment they test my estrogen level and count and measure the follicles in my ovaries. At the final appointment, I had 10 measureable follicles in each ovary, so instead of feeling like this:<br />
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Lots of room for the few follicles to grow. I was feeling more like this: </div>
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No room for anymore growth or actually any movement. I am definitely bloated and uncomfortable, though Olivia seems to think my stomach is a great pillow to jump on. Gee thanks kid!</div>
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My estrogen level was the thing that really made them to push me to retrieval on Friday and not Saturday. My estrogen is 3,500 and they don't like seeing it over 3,000. It strange that my estrogen was low throughout both frozen cycles and now it sky rockets to possibly unhealthy levels. High estrogen can lead to Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, which can be painful at best and deadly at worse. The nurse said that there is a chance I could have a mild case after retrieval. To help fight against this, they gave me half a dose of HCG. Instead of the normal 100,000 units I only took 50,000. </div>
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Getting this news sent me to the one place that I shouldn't have gone: Google. I have been reading all sorts of things about OHSS and high estrogen at trigger. It can lead to poor egg quality and even early delivery if the embryo takes; it can push the RE to freeze all the embryos and not transfer anything. After fully freaking myself out (You would think I would know not to go on Google!), I backed up and figured if it was going to be a huge issue (including possible complete freeze of the embryos) my nurse would've said something....right? I will ask the nurse when I go in on Friday, but before that I will stock up on protein shakes and gatorade, both which help to ward off OHSS after retrieval.</div>
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I will give you all an update when I am done on Friday and am able to write coherent thought. I will probably do a couple short posts for the retrieval and fertility report. Send me all your positive thoughts for a good retrieval, strong eggs, and good fertilization. </div>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-89560375944615650222015-07-28T11:40:00.003-04:002015-07-28T11:40:48.009-04:00New cycle a little different than the old cycleI've done this before and was actually successful one; I can totally handle this....maybe. For the most part this cycle is the same as the one that gave us Olivia. The only the medication that I am not taking this cycle is an antibiotic after retrieval. When I asked about the change, my doctor fully explained to me about the various studies that have been done over the last few years that show that the antibiotic is not helpful during IVF. This is one of the reasons I chose Brigham and Women's; they are continuing to research and improve on their abilities.<br />
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My doctor has also been playing with my dosage of gonal. I was supposed to start at 225 units, but after my baseline, my doctor lowered the dosage to 187 units. I had a quite a few follicles so she wanted to take it slow. I went in for my first follicle check after 4 days of stimulation. I had only one follicle on each side, so my dosage went up to 225 to stimulate some of the "lazy" follicles that didn't want to grow. Two days later I returned for another check and it worked! I had a total of 12 follicles that had grown and still had quite a few smaller ones left. To ensure that too many didn't pop up, my dosage was dropped back down to 187 units. Ovarian stimulation is a careful dance between enough mature follicles and too many. Not enough can lead to not enough mature eggs and lower chances of having success; too many can lead to poor quality eggs which can also lower chances of success. I am actually glad with my yoyo dosage; it proves to me that she is actually looking at my scans and thinking about my cycle as a whole. It's not just "continue with the plan".<br />
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While these are only small changes to my protocol, there definitely is a few things that I forgot. I remember feeling full and uncomfortable, but it wasn't as bad as I remembered right? It was only a couple days, right? Not so much! I am currently on day 8 of stimulation, and I can definitely say I'm uncomfortable. During a normal cycle, your body produces 1 follicles right now I have 12 follicles growing and a handful that are still small. There is only so much room in my body for all these to go, so it is becoming difficult to sit and to carry Olivia. <br />
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This brings me to another difference with my earlier cycles: a toddler! Having a very active (very clingy) toddler while completing a fresh IVF cycle is definitely taxing. Not only are my hormones all out of wack and I'm growing more eggs than any chicken in my ovaries, I need to entertain and care for an almost 3 year old. In previous cycles, I could come home and relax when I was too sore to move or I could take a nap if I was tired from the medication and early morning monitoring. These things aren't allowed with a toddler. I have been trying to plan activities and go places because hopefully there will be other children or adults to help entertain Olivia. Now I understand this sounds terrible and like I want to pawn my toddler off on other people, but it's not. I can be a better mother if Olivia can play independently or with a friend even a few minutes at a time. At home when it is just her and I, I normally don't get any of these moments. It also helps me from having to come up with creative ways to entertain Olivia when I'm so tired I can barely function. (Yes movies and TV have been part of my plan as well...MOTY I know).<br />
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Having Olivia with me also makes this cycle a lot easier. With previous cycles, my IVF protocol and what was happening or could go wrong was on my mind 100% of the time. This cycle I don't think about it constantly because I have a lovely distraction and IVF miracle with me most of the day. While I'm still trying to do all the helpful things through this cycle (drinking pomegranate juice, drinking fertility tea, eating eggs and avocados, and meditating) I find I'm not able to do it every day and you know what that is okay. My whole self-being isn't hinging on the success of this cycle. Would I be heartbroken if the cycle didn't work? Of course! However the emotions are different the second time through. Firstly, I know it can work. I know it can work with this doctor at this hospital because it did. I have living (and talking) proof of that. I'm no longer in the "could it?" stage. Secondly, if we could never have another child, we would actually be okay with that. Yes we want another child, and I know something would feel off if it didn't; however, we have Olivia and she could be enough if that is all we are able to have. All this doesn't mean that we won't put all we have into trying for a second, but the need isn't as dire.<br />
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I went in this morning for my third follicle check. I am feeling very full and uncomfortable. According to the ultrasound tech, "it looks like it's time". It is definitely up to the doctor when to trigger, but it could be this week. If I trigger tonight, the retrieval will be on Thursday. If I'm not quite there, I may have to go back in tomorrow or Thursday for more monitoring. I will keep you updated!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-17156914555353629772015-07-20T16:24:00.000-04:002015-07-20T16:24:12.606-04:00It's officially starting!I went in for testing bright and early this morning for what is called baseline testing. This blood test and ultrasound checks to make sure that all the hormone levels are normal and everything in the uterus and ovaries is clear. <br />
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Like everything else with IVF, it is a process of hurry up and wait. I woke up at 5:30 to make sure I got to the clinic in time to get the early morning testing done. Then I had to wait until the nurse calls later in the day. Thankfully I had swim class and some pool time to keep me occupied. However, if all the pregnant ladies who have toddlers Olivia's age could stay home, I would appreciate it. Just another reminder that all we have to go through is NOT how most couples grow their families.<br />
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I received good news from the nurse. Everything looks good, so I can start my stimulating medication (Gonal F) tonight. In fact everything looks so good, I will take a lower dosage than originally prescribed. The doctor said there were quite a few follicles ready to grown in both ovaries, so she wanted to go slower than in my previous cycle. This is where IVF is a fine science. You want multiple follicles to grow and mature, but too many follicles growing can lead to poor quality or a condition call Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, which can be very dangerous. <br />
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I now get to take two shots per day. I have been taking 10 units of Lupron every morning for the last 13 days. The shots really aren't that bad. It is a small needle that goes right under the skin. <br />
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This is the drug that will keep me from ovulating all those mature eggs prior to egg retrieval. Starting tomorrow morning, my dosage will drop to 5 units.<br />
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My other shot will take place in the evening. Gonal F is a delivered by a "pen". The pen has 900 iu of the medication. You set the medication on the pen, put on a new needle, and it is ready to inject the needed amount.<br />
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Right now I will be starting with 187 units. I go back into the clinic on Friday for more blood work and ultrasound and will continue to do so every other day (and even every day close to egg retrieval). These appointments will be to test the estrogen level in my blood and to count and measure the follicles in my ovaries. Based on these appointments, my medication dosage may be increased or decreased accordingly.</div>
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This is the time period of an IVF cycle that become busy again. It is a lot of appointments and a lot of medication. My job is to make sure that I stay a relaxed as possible. And to help make my body as ready as I can. That means eating and drinking all sorts of "fertility" foods. I'm all prepared with my fertility tea, pomegranate juice, avocados, nuts, and lots of eggs. Who knows if any of this actually does anything; it give me some feeling of control during a very difficult process.</div>
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-87742768600973848642015-07-07T19:24:00.000-04:002015-07-07T19:24:17.797-04:00Summer of Shots....not the fun kind.I woke up early this morning (5:15 on a summer morning..yuck!) to drive into Foxborough for the first step in our IVF cycle: hormone check. I had to have blood drawn to check my progesterone level. It is important that I have already ovulated before started my first medication: lupron. The blood draw took about 1 minute with about 2 hours of drive time. Not too bad right? Not all of my appointments will be just blood work; some will require ultrasound as well, but those don't start until later in the process.<br />
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Earlier this afternoon, I received a call from my nurse. My numbers looked good, and I have go ahead to begin Lupron tomorrow morning. Lupron is a subcutaneous injection, which means the medication is injected in my lower stomach area using a smaller needle. These injections I normally do myself. At first I was petrified and had Sean do them, but that actually was more difficult. Like many things in my life, I needed to be 100% in control. I will take these injections every morning until at least July 20th (maybe later depending on my cycle) and then I need to go in for what is called "baseline monitor". This time will include both blood work and ultrasound. <br />
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I am doing what is called a long Lupron protocol. This is the same protocol that I used when I got pregnant with Olivia; if it's not broken don't fix it. This is one of many protocols for IVF success; everyone reacts differently so each has flex room. With the Lupron protocol, I will do at least 12 days of Lupron injections on it's own then I will go in for my baseline. If things look good, I will begin stimulation medication. For me this will be Gonal-F, also a subcutaneous injection but this one will be done at night. I will be continuing my Lupron during this time as well. Yup that means two injections a day! Good thing my bathing suit doesn't expose my stomach; the instructors at swim lessons would be calling CPS on me. I will do this anywhere from 5 to about 10 days depending on how I react. During this time I will be going in every few days (daily towards the end) for blood draws (yes more needles) and ultrasounds. Once things are where the doctors want them to be, I will take what is called a trigger shot. This is an intramuscular shot (aka butt shot) that tells my ovaries to release all the eggs that have been growing. 36 hours later (yes that specifically timed), I will be having my egg retrieval. I will be put until general anesthesia and the doctors will go through my uterus to remove all the fluids in the follicles, which hopefully contains eggs. The same day all the mature eggs will be injected with the strongest of Sean's sperm in a process called intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection. The embryos will then grow in the lab. I will also begin progesterone injections nightly. These are intramuscular like the trigger shot. These are literally a pain in the ass. I need help to do them, so Sean has to make sure he is available every night. If the oil is too cool, it is hard to inject and can sometimes leave hard lumps under the skin. On day 3, the embryologists will choose the best embryo and hatch it, and then it will be transferred into my uterus. The rest will continue to grow in the lab until day 5. Any embryos that a still striving will be frozen. The process for freezing has changed greatly since we last did IVF in 2012, and the success rates have jumped from about 50% to closer to 90%. We are hoping to not need the frozen embryos, but it is good to know that we have that option if needed. <br />
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This protocol is slightly different than the one the doctor originally recommended for us. She wanted us to do a 5 day transfer. There are many benefits to this. Because they grow longer in the lab, the embryologists have a greater chance of picking the one that will be the most successful. It is totally possible that the "best" embryo on day 3 fails to thrive by day 5. On day 5 the embryos have developed to a blastocyst, so there is no need for assisted hatching and the less handling of the embryos the better. All this sounds fantastic right? Why did we choose to do a day 3 AMA? We have attempted a day 5 previously at our last clinic. Our results were not good. None of the embryos developed in blastocysts; they had stopped at a stage called a morula. At the transfer our doctor told about the low chance of something even taking. We left that day heartbroken but had an idea that assisted hatching could be our solution. Just thinking about the possibility of having another transfer cancelled left me in tears. I expressed my concerns with my doctor. She listened to me, and even though she spent about 10 minutes explaining how labs and techniques have changed in the past 3 years, she expressed her desire to not have any additional stress put on me. She came up with this "compromise". We will do the 3 day transfer of a single embryo (no twins for us THANK YOU!) and the embryologists will closely watch the remaining embryos in the lab. The embryos will be frozen on day 5 (those who make it). We understand that the embryologist may not pick the right embryo, but if the cycle doesn't work, at least they have a clear idea of what blatocysts are the strongest. Also, if none of them survive or develop into blastocysts, this will give all of us a deeper understanding about what may be causing our infertility, which is always a good thing.<br />
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I got a special package today in the mail....all my meds. Want to see? Here it is!<br />
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Just a few meds to take up my countertops. Thankfully the new house has plenty of counters!<br />
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So ladies (and gentlemen if any of you have made it this far), that will be my summer fun! I will be trying to inject (pun intended) my summer with some great activities with Olivia and the rest of my family. We are unable to actually away because of this, so we will be doing a number of day trips: beach, zoo, Edaville. Suggestions?Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-33641428128483797192015-06-13T18:45:00.001-04:002015-06-13T18:45:15.984-04:00TTCA is just as difficult as TTC the first time...only differentWhen we returned to this journey, I knew it would be trying, but I honestly thought it would be easier, physically and emotionally. It is in some ways, but it is more difficult in ways I never expected.<br />
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Since we had three frozen embryos, we decided to start with a Frozen Embryo Transfer because we already had the embryos and it was "easy". Well, easy compared to a fresh cycle; it's still a bitch compared to TTC naturally. A normal frozen cycle looks like this:</div>
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-Day 2 of cycle I go in for morning blood work (which for me is an hour away and constitutes a 5 AM wake up time)</div>
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-If things check out I star estrogen day and night (I took four mg each time). </div>
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-After four days, I go in for more morning blood work (another 5 AM wake up).</div>
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-About 10 days later, I go in for more morning blood work and ultrasound this time (another 5 AM wake up and missed work).</div>
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-The next day I begin progesterone injections (now those are a pain in the ass...literally) and 5 days of another medication.</div>
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-3-4 days after begin progesterone, I go in for the embryo transfer. This is a fairly easy procedure. The reproductive endocrinologist uses a catheter to transfer the embryo directly into my uterus. It takes them longer to test and set up than the actual transfer takes.</div>
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-About 10 days after the transfer, I go in for a pregnancy test. If it is positive, I continue taking estrogen and progesterone. If I'm not, I get to stop both.</div>
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Easy right? Only 3 morning monitoring appointments, about 225 pills and 14 injections. If it sounds like a lot you never had a fresh cycle completed.</div>
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While the cycle of itself was simple, one thing I didn't expect was the impact on my family. Because of the early morning appointments, Sean had to get Olivia up and drive her to day care. The day of the transfer and the day after I was on modified bed rest so I couldn't really play with her. My incredibly intuitive daughter noticed. At first she was obviously concerned. Every morning she would ask if mommy needed to go to the doctor again. After a few weeks, she started pulling away and connecting with Sean more. (I was also take a graduate class at this time, so it was another night I was away from her). At one point she told me, " I don't love you; you are never home." While I knew it wasn't true, it broke my heart. I didn't expect my journey to try to expand our family by one would affect the child we were lucky enough to have. <br />
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The other difficult thing about TTCA was having to deal with the negative result. Yup my first cycle ended with a BFN. Before Olivia, I could come home and crawl into bed with a glass of wine and throw myself a giant pity party. You can't do this with a 2 year old. I had to try to put on a good face at least until she went to bed. Having her snuggle next to me did help, but oddly it hurt at the same time. I no longer felt that I just failed Sean; I felt like I failed her as well. The what ifs came back. What if I couldn't give her a sibling? What if I spend so much time trying that I permanently damage our relationship?<br />
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We entered our first FET incredibly positively. This was the same group of embryos that gave us Olivia, so of course it would give us a second. I ended up taking a pregnancy test the morning of my blood test to help me prepare. It was negative; I was shocked but still slightly positive. Maybe it was a late implanter. No such luck.<br />
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We then moved right into a second FET with our last straw of embryos. Everything fell perfectly for this cycle. The mornings I needed to go in for AM monitoring all fell on days I have period 1 off, so I didn't feel rushed and I didn't need to find coverage. However the transfer fell right on the day of Sean's sister's wedding, but luckily we were able to push it back a day (one of the benefits of a frozen cycle versus a fresh). This did require us to hide away in a bathroom on the boat while Sean gave me my progesterone shot. I could've won most interesting wedding purse (3 needles, 5 pills, band aids, alcohol wipes). It also limited my wine intake to 1 glass (though I snuck a small second one). Honestly all the issues would be worth it if this cycle was successful.<br />
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We were optimistic heading back into Boston this morning (after leaving the city 10 hours earlier). The doctor came in with an update that we did not expect. Out of the 2 embryos frozen in the straw, one did not survive the thaw at all and one only had 1 cell remaining. This left us with a choice: we could cancel the transfer or take the chance (about 1-2% of success) of transferring the single cell. With a heavy heart we decided not to even attempt the transfer. I just couldn't put my body through the additional 10 days of medication for such low chances. <br />
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Out of the possibilities we thought of prior to the transfer, we never thought about this occurring. We were both pretty numb heading home, and thankfully Olivia was with my parents at a family party. It gave me time to begin to process the whole experience. I don't know why but this was harder to handle than the BFN from the previous cycle. Maybe it was because we didn't even get the chance to try. Maybe it was because this was our last frozen and we need to move on to a fresh cycle.<br />
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I need to call the doctor Monday to make an appointment to begin the insurance process and see what other testing we need. I can't believe we are back here. I honestly thought one of these two cycles would work. Timing would good with work. They would also allow us to keep our Disney trip next summer. Now that is back up in the air. If I'm too pregnant or the baby is too young, we will have to cancel. Again our quest to expand our family will impact the child we already have. There is nothing easy about this process no matter where you stand in it.</div>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-35543120624016495762015-02-06T10:11:00.001-05:002015-02-06T10:11:32.776-05:00And we're back in the game I know it has been quite a while since I last posted. Life has gotten quite crazy with work, a new home, and a very active toddler!<br />
A few Olivia updates before I get to my journey. She was 2 this past October and is very smart and verbal. Her favorite thing right now is to ask us if we are her "friends". It's so adorable. She asked me the other day if we could go see her "friend Nana". We have also just converted her crib to a toddler bed because she became Houdini over the weekend. During her "naptime" on Monday, she escaped 15 times in under 10 minutes. That must be a record. I'm waiting to hear back from the Ellen Show and Guiness Book of World Records. She doesn't stop and I love it all. Even though I am normally exhausted and incredibly behind on work. (I should actually be correcting now, but what's another 20 essays or so on the pile). She is currently obsessed with the show Paw Patrol and takes her puppies most places with her. She knows all 5 (now 6) puppies by name and tag line. She's starting to really take to coloring and drawing and plays mostly with her easel she received for Christmas. She showed some interest in potty training, but then decided that having mommy or daddy change her diapers is a much better choice. We will readdress this in the summer!<br />
As for us, we have made our appointment with the RE for March. Since we are now in a larger house with a yard (that children can actually play in...go figure!), we feel it's time to add to our family. Since we were diagnosed with unexplained, we have been trying the best we could though our faith that a "miracle" will happen is low. I'm excited to be moving forward, but I still have all the fears from the first time. What if this time something major is wrong? What if the three IVFs we have left do not work? What do we do then? I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but I can't help it. I hate that we have to go through this process a 2nd time. Why can't we get the opps? What did we do to deserve this? I know the answer to that is nothing, but it still pops in. It is during this time period that my logical side stays at work and my emotions take over.<br />
I honestly feel like we are reliving the time before I got pregnant with Liv. Yes I'm entirely grateful to have her, but it still feels as though something is missing. We aren't quite complete yet. Once again Facebook has become the enemy. Almost daily, I'm seeing pregnancy announcements from friends that have children around Olivia's age or younger. They are able to grow their family but we can't. I honestly didn't think I would feel this way the second time around and feel a little ashamed that I do. What about those people who don't get to have their "Olivia"? Shouldn't I be happy with what I have and not want more? Isn't that the "way" to happiness? I don't truly know, but I do know that some days the tears can't help but come and my heart can't help but drop at those announcement. Just the same as before. The only difference is now I hear a voice interrupting my tears. "Are you okay, Mommy? I kiss your booboo better?" <br />
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-88431136966432454532013-04-24T19:44:00.002-04:002013-04-24T19:59:15.188-04:00Once an infertile, always an infertileI know I haven't blogged in a while, but since it is National Infertility Awareness Week, I knew it was important that I did. <br />
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I may be lucky enough to have my miracle baby sleeping in bed right now, but the memories and scares of infertility still run deep. I have to be honest that I frequently fear that we will never be able to give Olivia a sibling. I wonder if waiting until she gets a little is really a good idea. What if it doesn't happen naturally? What if we need to go to IVF and run out of insurance coverage? Would I be able to handle the stress of an IVF cycle with a toddler? Don't get me wrong, I love every single minute with her (even when she is screaming because she is so tired but she refuses to sleep); however, I feel a pang when I see a family with two kids or I see the new baby at daycare with her brother. I know how hard I fought for Olivia and I know I would fight that hard for another, but do I have it in me?<br />
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The infertility also attacks when I see or hear of people who have an "oops" or it just happens easily. I still have numerous friends who are struggling to add to their families, and one has gone through more heartbreak than anyone should have to. Why are they still trying after all this time and it just happens for others? <br />
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The one good thing about my infertility is that it has brought me some new friends. When I started to struggle, I couldn't really connect with anyone in my real life, so I looked to online support boards. From there I started meeting with a group of girls in my area who were also TTC. All five of us had to have some sort of infertility treatment. It was this that has helped us to become closer. No matter how different we are, and we definitely have our differences, this one thing brings us closer more than any of those differences tear us apart. By being open about my infertility, I have made even more connections. As with anything else, it is important to talk with someone who knows what you are going through. Women who have struggled to conceive just seem to have this bond. We may not even really know each but we support each other in the hard times and celebrate each other in the good times. <br />
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Infertility is something that still is taboo for many to talk about, and many people just don't fully understand how difficult this disease it. To learn more about infertility, causes, treatments and ways to support those who are struggling with the disease, visit the RESOLVE, the national infertility association, website at http://www.resolve.org/. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-61152043609470890022013-03-31T08:06:00.000-04:002013-03-31T08:08:16.859-04:00Happy EasterAs Olivia is napping (yes she is actually napping and not in my arms!!), I was thinking about the last few years. This year I'm watching my lovely girl nap and waiting to give her her first Easter basket. Last year, I was pregnant and excited about all the possibilities the year could bring. The year before was a different story entirely.<br />
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We went to my aunt and uncle's to celebrate the holiday, even though neither Sean nor I felt like celebrating. We planned on missing the annual Easter egg hunt for the kids because I knew I couldn't take that. Well, that didn't work out as planned. As the kids went out to collect eggs, I broke down thinking that I might never get to see my child going on an egg hunt. Sean and I then spent the rest of the holiday at home and eating McDonalds (the only food we could find).<br />
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It's memories like this that allow me to really enjoy every possible second with my little girl. Even when I'm trying to figure out exactly why she has decided not to sleep anymore (come one baby girl you sleep through the night twice last week why did you need to wake up 4 times last night??), I think about the feelings of loss and longing I felt for all those years and I'm thankful that I have her to wake me up.<br />
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Since the nap is over (a whole 40 minutes in the pack n play...score!!), I will wrap this up. I promise to update on all her successes in the next few weeks when she turns 6 months! How is that even possible? Until all then I want you all to have a great holiday. For my friends who are still struggling to come to the end of their IF journey, it will happen and when it does it will be the best thing that ever happened to you.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-19891084039965144362013-02-11T17:52:00.000-05:002013-02-11T17:52:04.456-05:004 months already!?!<br />
Here are some basics from month 3:<br />
Weight: 12 pounds 4 ounces (25th percentile)<br />
Length: 24.75 inches (50th percentile)<br />Still a peanut but growing nicely<br />
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Milestones:<br />
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<li>can hold her head up </li>
<li>can sit while assisted</li>
<li>giggles (mostly at Daddy)</li>
<li>vocalizes a lot</li>
<li>grabs at toys</li>
<li>puts EVERYTHING in her mouth </li>
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Firsts: <br />
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<li>music class with Meme</li>
<li>trip to NH to go to Auntie Debbie's house </li>
<li>cold :(</li>
<li>snow day with Mommy</li>
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Sleeping habits:<br />
After being transferred back to her bed after her cold (she slept in her rock n play), she was not the normally good sleeper that I knew she could be. She fought the swaddle and was awake every hour or two, so we decided to throw the swaddle out and just deal with it. We had about two weeks of 1-3 hour sleep sessions. Thankfully we could quickly get her back to sleep fairly quickly. However, near the end of her third month she was back to sleeping her normal long hours (8/9-3/4 and then down again until 6:30/7). She is still waking up for one feed, but our goal is to try to get rid of that soon.<br />
Napping on the other hand is difficult for Mommy. She sleeps fine at day care 2 naps of 1-2 hours and does the same for Grammy and Meme. However for Mommy she only likes to nap being held. Over two days, I can normally get one nap of any length in her crib. She does nap nightly around 5/6 for like 45 minutes, but this one I normally snuggle her because the day away is just too long.<br />
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Eating habits:<br />
Olivia started this month eating about 3 ounces every 3 hours then one day she jumped up to eating 6 ounces every 3 hours. This lasted for a few days; she was downing about 35 ounces+ a day. Then she slowed down to 4-6 ounces every 3-4 hours. The doctor would still like her to eat less frequently with more at each feeding but what can you do?<br />
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Some photos from this month:<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-40063358211522420172013-01-08T16:27:00.002-05:002013-01-08T16:33:15.650-05:003 MonthsWhile my goal to record her accomplishments monthly has already failed. I guess that is what happens when you have a baby who wants your constant attention when she's awake, who doesn't like to sleep and by the time she goes to bed at 9 you are exhausted and still need to shower.<br />
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Here are some basics from month 3:<br />
Weight: 11 pounds 6 ounces (17th percentile)<br />
Length: 24 inches (58th percentile)<br />
My little girl is still a peanut! These are my measurements so there definitely could be a margin for error here.<br />
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Milestones:<br />
<ul>
<li>can hold her head up fairly consistently</li>
<li>can hold her chest up when on her tummy (that is when she's not screaming hysterical and banging her face on the floor because mommy is torturing her by putting her on her tummy)</li>
<li>can pretty much get her fist into her mouth when she wants to</li>
<li>smiles and giggles when spoken to and sometimes to toys</li>
<li>can hit toys when they are put in front of her</li>
<li>I'm not sure if this is a milestone, but she is losing her hair! </li>
</ul>
<ul></ul>
Firsts: <br />
<ul></ul>
<ul>
<li>Christmas</li>
<li>New Year's Eve (she fell asleep by 9)</li>
<li>sleeping through the night 1/5/13 9 pm-6 am </li>
<li>days at day care and with Grammy and Meme</li>
</ul>
Sleeping habits:<br />
She is still a good sleeper and often sleeps around 6-7 hours at a time. Even though she goes to bed around 8 or 9 and wakes up between 2 and 4 she normally eats and goes back down for a few more hours. She is napping a little better. She is still taking cat naps but her afternoon naps tend to be a couple hours.<br />
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Eating habits:<br />
She eats 3-4 ounces every 2.5-3 hours during the day. She still takes her sweet ol' time when eating. It is common for her to want to take a break and play before finishing a bottle. Obviously she does not truly belong in this family; Sean and I have been known to go to a nice restaurant and have eaten and paid in under 45 minutes. She also is very clear when she wants to continue eat and not be burped.<br />
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Some photos from this month:<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-59551333202039946592012-11-09T14:16:00.000-05:002012-11-09T14:16:13.645-05:001 month!Olivia was 1 month old yesterday. I can't believe the time has gone so fast. Each month I'm going to try to record some basic information about her to let everyone know, but also to help me remember this time.<br />
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Weight: 8 pounds 3.5 ounces (25th percentile)<br />
Length: 21 inches (50th percentile)<br />
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Milestones: <br />
<ul>
<li>can hold head up at 45 degree angle for a few seconds and at times can turn head from one side to the other side when on belly</li>
<li>starting to vocalize, especially when looking in a mirror (she loves to look at herself)</li>
<li>starting to really smile, especially at Mommy</li>
</ul>
Firsts: <br />
<ul>
<li>bath - October 25th </li>
<li>Halloween - dressed as Minnie Mouse</li>
<li>Nor'easter & Hurricane</li>
</ul>
Sleeping habits:<br />
Most nights she sleeps well at 3-3.5 hour segments at the beginning of the night and slightly shorter as the night goes on. Naps during the day last between 30 and 90 minutes normally. When she starts to get over-tired, she likes to be swaddled and held. Luckily I found a great white noise app because she also likes "shh-ing" sounds and I was losing my voice. <br />
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Eating habits:<br />
She eats 2-3 ounces every 2-3 hours. She averages about 2.5 ounce most often. She is a fairly slow eater and I have attempted to put quicker nipples on the bottles, but she tends to drown herself then. She also began a bad habit of wanting to eat an hour or so after a feeding and then only drinks .5 ounce or so. According to the doctor she is just trying to soothe herself with the bottle and I need to break her of the habit of turning to food for comfort. I guess I have to use the pacifier more often, even though I don't want her to become dependent on it.<br />
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At her appointment today, she had to get her 2nd hepatitis B shot. She was already crying because she was just fussy, but as soon as the needle went in her cry went from just a fussy cry to a a real scream. The poor little girl! However she was quickly quieted when I picked her up and she got a lovely band-aid:<br />
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Right now, she is napping in her crib, which I was told I need to do more often to get her used to sleeping there. :( Later we are heading to book club. I need to get her literary before her father gets her hooked on movies. <br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-68334492777020866922012-11-01T16:22:00.001-04:002012-11-01T16:22:04.972-04:00What I have learned in 3 short weeks<b>1. No schedule for newborns much to the stress of type-A moms:</b><br />
As many of you know, I do the best when I know what the day will bring. I like having a schedule and following it (maybe that is what makes a good teacher). After reading and talking to our pediatrician, I was confident that Olivia would eat every two-three hours and then play for 30-90 minutes and then nap. HA! That type of routine belongs in a fantasy world with wands, horcruxes and platform 9 3/4s.<b> </b>Sometimes she will eat every three hours and sometimes she eats every hour and throws a fit if I don't feed her. Sometimes she wants to play for hours after she eats and sometimes she falls asleep before even finishing her bottle. Some days start off good. She wakes up, eats and plays and then sleeps until about 2.5 hours after her feeding. She exhibits hunger signs so I try to feed her and she drinks a whopping 1/2 ounce and then passes out. There goes that schedule. I do plan on talking to the doctor next week about what type of schedule I should be trying to get her on though I have a feeling her real routine will come when I go back to work. I mean I don't even have a routine right now, unless you count staying in pjs until Sean gets home and showering when possible.<br />
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<b>2. </b><b><b>Bed time as exercise routine:</b></b><br />
Ah the bed time routine! The miracle that will get your child to sleep! Right now our bedtime routine consists of Olivia fussing and crying for an hour while I walk circles around the house and Sean turns up the volume on the TV. Then I finally get her relaxed enough that she will take a bottle, so we rock while she eats and I read a story or two. Normally during this time, she is fighting to stay awake, so I rock her a bit more and once she is "asleep" I put her down gently in her crib, put the sleep sheep sound machine on and silently leave the room. I get on the couch or in bed and in less than five minutes she is screaming again. Cue me getting out of bed, trying to comfort her in the crib to no avail and finally rocking her. Not long after she is asleep in my arms and I gently put her in her crib, put on the sleep sheep sound machine and silently leave the room. I get on the couch or in bed and in less than five minutes she is screaming. This goes on for a good 30 minutes to an hour with Sean and I taking turn. Normally it ends with me in tears begging my poor little girl to tell me what she wants. Normally it is something we have offered 100 times throughout this process, such as reswadling, some more formula or a pacifier. By the time she falls asleep, she is sleeping peacefully but my nerves are fried and I can't fall asleep even though I have made about 20 trips up the stairs. Luckily she is sleeping between 3 and 4 hours at time so I can at least get some sleep. <br />
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<b>3. Video monitors - Gift from God or from the Devil:</b><br />
<b> </b> When Sean and I were registering, we decided that we would spend some extra money and go for the video monitor. We figured that it would help us keep a better eye on her. I'm not sure if the video monitor was such a good purchase or not. Yes, it allows me to keep an eye on her while she sleeps and stops me from going into her room constantly to make sure she is still breathing (though I do still have to check at least once a nap). I also use to check on her when she starts to fuss. It gives me a good idea about whether I need to go into or if she was just fussing in her sleep. However, there are definitely times that this creation is definitely from the devil to torture new parents who can't sleep. Many times at night she will be WIDE awake in her crib and just sort of looking around. If we had an audio only monitor, I would never know about these periods, which normally occur right after she get puts down. However I can see her staring at the camera. I swear she knows it's there and she knows that I'm on the other end watching and willing her to sleep. It is almost as if she is taunting me. "Ha ha Mom. You thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. It was all a trick and I'm going start screaming at any time." It is like she is playing a game with me, but no matter how much I want to I cannot turn on the screen until I see her eyes close.<br />
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<b>4. Hot meals are a luxury:</b><br />
<b> </b>Another thing Olivia seems to know instinctively is when my food is ready. She can be mid-nap and just as my food is ready she is wide awake and wants to eat herself or is just being fussy. Other than the times I have been at my parents and at the hospital, I don't think I have had a hot dinner since she was born. Now that she likes her bounce seat, I can normally get a semi-warm meal after I make her happy. From talking to other moms, I'm thinking that this will continue to be a luxury for the near future and when I do get to have a warm meal again I will be sharing it with her.<br />
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<b>5. Too many days in the house creates a cranky mommy (and baby):</b><br />
<b> </b>I have never been someone who has been happy sitting around the house. A day or even two can be nice, but more than that makes me cranky. Add no sleep to that and you better watch out. I have read all about the warnings about taking a baby out too early, but I'm sorry I just can't stay cooped up in the house. I was at the mall under a week old and I ended up fine (except for my slight shopping addiction). Olivia was out at 5 days old because I just needed out. Two days is my limit staying in and that is stretching it sometimes.<br />
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<b>6. Sleep when baby sleeps is a myth:</b><br />
<b> </b>I have yet to figure out how to accomplish this one. At first I was too paranoid to sleep. All that pre-baby education was great except it made me scared shitless of SIDS. After I relaxed from that, I just wanted to look at her while she sleeps. With the exception of nighttime, I don't think she slept anywhere but on me or someone else for a good week and a half. Now I have gotten to the point that I try to put her down when she naps and even try to get to nap in her crib at least once a day, so that gives me tons of time to rest right? Wrong. I have this nagging urge to make sure the house is picked up (the real cleaning I leave to my cleaning lady that I have every other week until the end of the year). Then there are times that I would like to actual eat (something I don't do much of anymore) and then there are even times I want to cook or bake (gasp). This is worse than nesting. I can't just seem to lay down and sleep. When I get to the point that I'm relaxed enough to actually nap, guess what? She wakes up five minutes later. All part of that newborn ESP I think. If anyone actually has mastered this, please let me know.<br />
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<b>7. Everything can be done in steps:</b><br />
<b> </b>I have yet to find anything that can't be done in steps and often very little steps: reading, phone conversations, dishes, even blogging. It seems that everything gets done now in parts. I may have 20 minutes here and then 5 minutes there. I don't know how many times I have had to stop and start something. The other day I jumped into shower and just as I got in, Olivia started screaming. I quickly washed my body and jumped out. I then spent a good twenty minutes wrapped in my bathrobe because I just didn't have time to get really dressed. I didn't get to washing and blow drying my hair until the next day; a process which took a good two hours. Now this blog is on session number 5 over the course of 3 days. Hopefully I can finish it now.<br />
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<b>8. </b><b>Don't be afraid to ask for help:</b><br />
I honestly think I'm doing very well with Olivia. A lot of things just feel natural. However, I didn't realize how lucky I was to have help the first three weeks of her life. Sean was with me the first two weeks and my mother helped me out half days for the third. I felt great! It was nice to be able to pass a fussy Olivia off so I could make a bottle before she started screaming or to have someone else entertain her when she was awake because you just can't focus anymore. Help is necessary. I couldn't have survived. Now I need to work on asking for help when I need. When Sean comes home from work, I need to specifically ask him what I need help with. Just like during our IVF cycles, he does not naturally know how to help. "Please wash the bottles, please play with Olivia and keep her awake (a near impossible task), please wake up and handle this feeding because I'm going nuts." This is just the start of the help I will need; I'm sure it's just going to become more difficult.<br />
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<b>9. Be better prepared than a boyscout:</b><br />
<b> </b> There has been more than one time I have already been caught without something necessary. First it was a bottle. I was only going out for a little bit, so I didn't need a bottle right? Wrong. Errands take three times as long with an infant and I ended up driving home with a screaming newborn in the car. I also didn't remember to bring a pacifier so there was no way for me to comfort the poor little munchkin. I made sure that the diaper bag was totally stocked, so I wouldn't be stuck in a bad situation again. Or so I thought. Fast forward about a week to a get together at my parents. Olivia has a rather smelly bowel movement that couldn't be contained by her diaper. Her entire outfit had to be changed, but of course I had one in my diaper bag. Of course not! Why would I think of that? Luckily my aunt had given her some clothes that day, and even though they were 6 month size, we fit her in them so she wouldn't have to wear a towel. I can tell you that I keep at least one outfit in the diaper at all times. I'm sure this lesson will continue to be learned as she grows. As well as I think I stock the diaper bag, I have a feeling I will always be missing something.<br />
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<b>10. Enjoy your angel:</b><br />
The best part of the last few weeks is just having Olivia. I can't believe she is here already. I could just hold her forever. Even when she is screaming (and I'm crying), I just love her so much. Well the three years of infertility were incredibly difficult, they were totally worth it because we got Olivia out of the deal.<br />
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Here are a few new pictures for you to enjoy:<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-89119549305508208302012-10-14T11:24:00.000-04:002012-10-14T11:24:05.807-04:00Presenting Miss Olivia Natalie!I have been meaning to post to update you on the end of my pregnancy, but then little Miss Olivia decided that she couldn't wait any longer. She arrived on Monday October 8th at 11:05 AM. She weighed 6 lbs 7.5 oz and was 19 inches long. She is such a good little baby. We really lucked out. She is such a snuggler and loves to be held by both Mommy and Daddy. It is amazing how our life can be totally turned around by a little girl who barely fits in newborn clothing. It seems all we do is look at her, take pictures of her and talk about her. I still can't believe that after all our struggles our little princess is here. It makes all the pain and all the tears worth it. I would go through all of it again if it meant that I would end with her.<br />
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We are all beginning to adjust to our new roles, including the cats. Sean is a great help and nothing is better than being elsewhere in the house and hear him talking or singing to Olivia. She is so lucky to have such a fantastic Daddy. Even the cats are doing well with her. They like to be near her, but they pretty much ignore her. We will see what they are like once she becomes mobile and begins chasing them. Overall, she is sleeping and eating well. She easily downs a 2 oz bottle and we are planning on upping the amount today. She is a really good sleep, though we had a slightly tough first few days at home. We originally planned to put her in a pack 'n play bassinet in our room and we tried it for the first two nights. There were lots of tears over those two nights, both from baby and from Mom. On Friday, I really needed to nap so I put her down in her crib for a nap. She didn't fuss at all and slept for an hour and a half. We decided to try her in her crib at night. Well, she loves her own bed. For the last two nights she has slept in her crib from about 9 PM to 8 AM waking about 3 or 4 times. Hopefully she continues to be such a good little sleeper.<br />
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I'm going to include my birth story below for those who want to read it. I promise I won't make it too graphic. For those of you who want to skip it, here are some pictures of my little princess.<br />
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Birth Story: <br />
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I went to bed early on Saturday (10/6) because I was absolutely exhausted. I
had gone to baby shower that day and it took a lot out of me.
(Ironically, I was worried about going since it was over an hour away
and my OB said it was fine since I wouldn't be 38 weeks until Sunday).
About 12:30 I woke up and felt a slight gush. I was sure I peed my
pants. I stood up and could still feel dripping. I went into the
bathroom and my underwear and pj pants are soaked. I realize that it
was probably from my water breaking. I shouted to Sean that I
thought my water broke and I had to call the OB but to start waking up
because we may be heading into the hospital. Sure enough that was the
case, we were the hospital by 1:30 AM Sunday.<br />
<br />
I went into L&D
triage and the resident checked me; sure enough my water has broken and I
was staying the hospital for the duration even though I was only a
"fingertip" dilated. They brought us to a L&D room and set us up. Sean (who never truly woke up) got comfortable on the couch and passed
out, but I couldn't fall asleep. Even the nurses kept commenting on how awake and bright eyed I was. I was so sure something
had to happen soon, right? Wrong. There were no contractions or anything. <br />
<br />
Come noon on Sunday (10/7) contractions
hadn't really started yet, so they decided to start Pitocin at 1.
Once again I thought it wouldn't be a long because in our birth class we
were told that they would deliver the baby within 24 hours of the water
breaking. I thought I was halfway there. Wrong again! The rest of the afternoon was sort of slow and uneventful, except for when Olivia's heartbeat began jumping into the 180-190s bpm. The doctor figured I was getting dehydrated so they pumped me full of fluids and sure enough her heartbeat dropped into its normal 140-150 range. <br />
<br />
Contractions
began around 5ish and continued to slowly come throughout the night. By
1 AM, I was ready for some pain meds. The resident on call checked me and I'm still a
"fingertip" dilated. WTF! Definitely not what I was expecting. I think this is the first time tears started to come. It had been 24 hours since my water broke and no real progress! I couldn't get an epidural yet, so they gave
me a narcotic to help take the edge off. It worked and I was able to get a couple hours of sleep. Two hours later it had worn off and I needed something else. The resident checked me again and I was
only 3 cm dilated "if that much". Cue total break down. I was in pain and
didn't want another narcotic that will just wear off. I wanted this baby
out since it is past 24 hours, but I would rather not have a c-section.
The nurse definitely came to my aid and talked with doctor and
convinced him that an epidural right now would allow me to get some
sleep and recharge enough to finish the process. <br />
<br />
The anesthesiologist came
in not long after to give me the epidural. It definitely hurt more than I thought it would, but this pain was definitely worth it. I was very grateful until we realized it
didn't fully take on my left side. The contractions were so bad and they radiated through my hip that I couldn't comfortably lay down, but because of the epidural I couldn't really move. After a few hours of trying to fix
it by giving some extra amounts of the medication attached to my epidural, the anesthesiologist came back in and shot something else in through
my epidural. I finally got some sleep. Keep in mind Sean is asleep on the couch for a majority of this time.<br />
<br />
When I woke up
the next morning about 7, the pressure the from the contraction was definitely greater but still not
enough that they wanted to check dilation again. I was getting really
frustrated and just wanted an end. Once again I was in tears thinking that this painful journey may not come to an end anytime soon. The nurse went and got the doctor to talk options with me. He would like to wait another 4-6 hours before talking
about a c-section but would give me one right now if I wanted it. This really wasn't the answer I had hoped for, but
after talking with Sean and the resident on call (ironically the one who
checked me during triage) we decided to give it some time and then
talk. By 1 that day if there was no baby I would request a c-section.<br />
<br />
Sean doesn't do well sitting around all day no matter where we are, so for both of our sanity, he headed home to do a few things. So that I wouldn't be alone, my mother came to sit
with me for a bit. After a while she notices that my contractions began
coming more quickly and were definitely stronger, so we decided to time them. They were coming about every two
minutes and lasting about a minute to a minute an a half and even with the epidural the pressure was so intense it was painful. The nurse came in minutes later to check on me because she noticed this new pattern and she decided to call the resident to check me out. While we
waited, my mom called Sean and told him to start heading back. He had one more
quick errand to do so we said to do it and then come. The resident
checked me and kept saying "Oh my..Oh my". It turns out I was fully dilated and she
could see LO head which was covered in hair. I was ready to push! My mom calls Sean and tells him to hurry up. Luckily he was only about 5 minutes away at the time.<br />
<br />
Right before Sean shows up, I start to get very
nauseated and end up throwing up a little (thanks Mom for holding my puke bucket!). The nurse takes my temperature and I'm running a low grade
fever, so the NICU team is called in (they were already put on alert because my
water broke so long ago) and I'm started on antibiotics. The nurse lets me know that Olivia will have to go to the NICU team before I get to hold her and she hopes that is okay. She really looked like she was waiting for me say "No it was not okay". I really can't imagine how a mother would not want to do do everything possible to make sure her baby is safe even if it means not being able hold her within the first five minutes of her life. However according to my nurses I was a very easy going patient throughout my stay. <br />
<br />
Sean comes running through the door minutes later and
my mom heads out to the waiting room so she can come back once Olivia is finally here. It
is now about 10:30, and I begin to push. I was waiting for this to be a long process, but at 11:05 Olivia was born. I definitely know the birth process hurt
and I have a second degree tear, but I honestly don't remember how
much. Just seeing her come out and be healthy made me forget it all. She was quickly given over to the NICU team to be checked out, but I could see her across the
room. She was beautiful already. Within moments, Sean was able to go over and touch her and take
pictures and I was stitched up. Once things were cleaned up, I had Sean go out and get my mother, who
in the meantime had got my father to come out. They all come in to see
my little angel. It isn't long before I was finally able to hold her. I had to give her back quickly though because she needed to head to the nursery to her first round of antibiotics because of my fever. While she was in the nursery, the nurse helped to move us to our postpartum room. By the time we go there and got settled, Olivia was brought into us. <br />
<br />
The rest of our two day stay was pretty relaxed. It was amazing how quickly I became accustomed to her and how easy it was for me to take care of her. Even after the long delivery, I felt good and was healing well. It was a
long 35 hours, but it was totally worth it. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-87400895289936488272012-09-16T12:19:00.000-04:002012-09-16T12:20:15.677-04:0035/3535 weeks pregnant & 35 days left!<br />
I really can't believe that time as flown so quickly. It seems like it took me FOREVER to get pregnant and when we got that BFP on February 13th, I was sure it would feel like forever to get this close. However it has flown. I can't believe that in about a month Olivia will be here. I think we're pretty much ready for her, at least physically.<br />
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My shower was the beginning of August and it was absolutely amazing. It was so great to be able to celebrate with all my family and friends. Everyone was so generous, and we have really gotten everything we need. With the exception of a few extra sheets and some odds and ends, we are all set for her to arrive. <br />
The nursery is pretty much all set, except for one shelf and a picture that still needs to be put up. There are a number of boxes and things that need to go into the basement when it is completed, but they are neatly stacked in the corner so they aren't bothering me (that much).<br />
For the last few weeks, Sean and I have been going to our birth and prepare for baby classes. I'm surprised that Sean actually stays focused for most of the two hours and will often mention information he learned throughout the week. It is nice to have him go through this with me and to help me make any decisions, such as the importance of an epidural. It took lots of drugs to get Olivia into me and it will take drugs to get her out. We also took a new baby class last week, which went over some of the simple things of how to take care of a baby after you get her home. It was very helpful and will hopefully keep us from calling our mothers obsessively once Olivia comes home. We have two more weeks of our birth classes left, a breastfeeding class and a infant cpr class.<br />
The only thing I'm still not sure of is whether or not I want to breastfeed. I'm not mentioning this to open a dialogue about why I should breastfeed, because I know all the benefits, believe me I have done my research. I'm just trying to get my thoughts in line. I'm almost certain that I will not be breastfeeding, or at least exclusively, once I return to work. With my work schedule I would be pumping during my only free period and/or lunch everyday. While some women are fine with this, I know that not having these time periods to get work done and to decompress will just stress me out. That being said, I'm still unsure of what I want to do prior to that. I know all the positives of breastfeeding, and I know all the negatives; I just can't decide which works best for me. While I like the idea of my child getting all nutrients from me and that it is free, I also like the idea of allowing others to have the bonding time and to give me some opportunities to get other things done, like showering. I like the idea of not having to worry where I am and trying to find a secluded place to breastfeed. I know it is a perfectly natural thing, but I will not be comfortable feeding in a restaurant or in the middle of the mall. This is not to say that I have anything against it, but it is just not for me. To be honest, the main reason I'm still thinking of breastfeeding is because that is what I'm "supposed" to do. I'm not sure if that is best reason for me to make this choice. Like I said earlier, we are going to a breastfeeding class which I hope will give me more conviction one way or the other. Right now I plan on going into it with an open mind. If I decide to try it and end up sticking with it, great! If I try it and it just isn't for me and I switch to formula, great! If I decide to go straight formula, great! <br />
I guess whether we are ready or not Olivia will come when she wants. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and see who she looks like. Crazy as it seems, I can't wait for those late night feedings when it is just her and I in the quiet of the house. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-20975180218116867822012-08-07T15:43:00.001-04:002012-08-07T15:43:06.742-04:00Month of Traveling Over & Checklist Update As July came to a close so did my month of traveling. When I last updated, I had completed one of the four trips I was taking during the month of July. <br />
My second trip was down to the Cape to visit my friend Lauren at her parent's house. I have made these trips for the last few years and have come to really enjoy them. It is great to get away and the Grimleys treat me like I'm one of their own. I didn't get to the beach as much as I wanted because little Miss Olivia decided to scare me. She decided she would go on a little vacation of her own and not really move for over 24 hours. On Monday morning, I called my OB and they recommended that I come into labor & delivery to be checked out. Though it was about two hours to drive back to Worcester, I decided to do that because I feared that something major could be wrong. Surprisingly I was uncharacteristically calm. I knew I had to do the best for my little girl. I was on the road for about five minutes when the OB on call called me back and told me just to go to the ER at the Cape because she was sure it wasn't a big deal. I turn around and Lauren and I head to Cape Cod hospital and in about 30 minutes we're sitting in the maternity ward listening to Olivia's strong heartbeat. The midwife performed what is called a non-stress test (NST). To complete the test, I was strapped up to a monitor that recorded movement and contractions and I was given some apple juice and had to lay on my side. After about 20 minutes, the midwife came back to check and as soon as she sat on the bed I felt Olivia kick. The NST showed that she was moving consistently but just not enough for me to feel. I was then released. After that, I was told not to get too hot and stay hydrated and since it was very hot this day and the next, the rest of my vacation involved relaxing and a little shopping.<br />
My third trip was to NYC with my mother. We try to go down to NYC at least once a year to see a Broadway show and we try to spend the night every few years. Not only was this a great getaway for us, but it allowed Sean and my dad to paint the nursery and put the furniture together. While we were in the city, we spent some time walking around, got Olivia her Halloween costume (A cute Minnie Mouse onesie), and ate some good food. We also went to see <i>Nice Work If You Can Get It</i>, a Gershwin musical starring Matthew Broderick. We both really enjoyed it; it was a nice light, upbeat type of musical. I believe Olivia enjoyed it as well. She began to really kick whenever a big dance number would come on. She is destined to be a dancer! Sean believes she was desperately trying to escape the torture. Here is a picture of Olivia and me at her first musical:<br />
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The next day, my mom and I went to the Central Park Zoo and walked around for awhile. Even though this trip was easier than normal, I still got very tired very quickly. It was a great trip and the nursery looked amazing when we returned.<br />
Trip three was a "Christmas in July" trip for Sean's work. We went to Boston with his coworkers and enjoyed a great day on the harbor and then dinner. It was very nice to get away to a fantastic hotel in Boston and enjoy some great company. It would've been nice to enjoy a good summer beer in the sun, but I was happier to feel Olivia kicking in the sun. Like the NYC trip, it was amazing how wiped out I was on Sunday. I asked Sean to leave right after breakfast because I couldn't even function. Why was I the one that felt hungover when I didn't have a sip of alcohol?<br />
With the trips competed, we were finally able to put away the suitcase (something Millie was very excited about) and I was able to complete a lot more of my checklist. In fact it is almost complete. Check it out:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><strike>Organize cabinets in the kitchen</strike></li>
<li><strike>Organize pantry</strike></li>
<li><strike>Clean out nursery closet</strike></li>
<li><strike>Organize master closet</strike></li>
<li>Clean out chest freezer (started, but there is something disgusting frozen on the bottom so this is a multi-week process)</li>
<li><strike>Order shower decor</strike></li>
<li><strike>Create ultrasound poster for shower</strike></li>
<li><strike>Wash and put away Olivia's clothes </strike>(She already has more clothes than Sean)</li>
<li>Set up nursery (Mostly done)</li>
<li><strike>Write out unit outlines for maternity leave sub</strike></li>
<li>Clean out car, especially trunk</li>
</ul>
That's right, three items left and only one isn't started at all! I guess that's a good thing since my shower is this weekend and then I go back to school in less than three weeks (BOO!!!!) My goal is to have everything finished by the time I go back to school. I know I will be more tired than a normal start of the school year, especially since our childbirth classes start the end of August, and I want as much put together as possible. Things are getting closer; I only have about 10 weeks left until we get to meet Olivia. I can't believe after all of our struggles it is finally becoming real.<br />
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-28945965249974496882012-07-12T09:29:00.001-04:002012-07-12T09:48:54.561-04:00Update & the checklistI guess my track record of being a bad blogger still stands. I've been leaving you off with such cliff hangers and then nothing. Over a month ago, Sean and I found out that we are having a baby girl! I was shocked. I made the ultrasound tech check two or three times because I was so sure that it was a boy. I would have been ecstatic with either a boy or a girl, but I always wanted a girl. I hope that she likes to dance because my mom and I had so many good experiences dancing. Since finding out, I have had to really control myself when it comes to shopping, because there is just way too many cute pink things! We have picked out bedding and a color scheme for the nursery. The walls will be gray & white with black and pink accents. Sean was vehemently opposed to pink walls, but I think this one home choice that he is right about. I think the gray will look fantastic.<br />
<br />
Even though I have been off for the summer, I seem to have not accomplished any of the things that I have set out to do. Check out my to do list and all I have accomplished (HA!):<br />
<ul>
<li>Organize cabinets in the kitchen</li>
<li>Organize pantry</li>
<li><strike>Clean out nursery closet</strike></li>
<li><strike>Organize master closet</strike></li>
<li>Clean out chest freezer</li>
<li><strike>Order shower decor</strike></li>
<li>Create ultrasound poster & diaper cake for shower</li>
<li>Wash and put away Olivia's clothes (thanks Liz for all the stuff!)</li>
<li>Set up nursery</li>
<li>Write out unit outlines for maternity leave sub</li>
</ul>
3 out of 10 completed or 70% left (look at those math skills!). Okay I know it is only 3rd week of vacation and I took a graduate class the first, but I figured if I did a little every day it would be done early. I can't touch any of the nursery stuff until after next weekend when the nursery is done. However all I want to do is sit in the sun and read or go in the pool or sit in the air conditioning and watch junk TV. <br />
<br />
It also doesn't help that I seem to spend more time packing, unpacking and doing vacation laundry than anything else. Every weekend I'm going somewhere. Last weekend we did a big family trip to ME, this Sunday-Tuesday I'm heading down to the Cape to stay with the Grimleys, next weekend my mom and I are going to NYC, and then the following weekend Sean and I are going to Boston for a work trip. The suitcase is permanently on the floor in our bedroom and stressing out our cats. <br />
<br />
I promise (at least I hope to) to update sooner rather than later. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-43807624499388105042012-05-10T12:33:00.000-04:002012-05-10T12:33:22.656-04:00Four Parks in Three Days!Sean, my parents, Pumpkin and I returned home late on Monday night from a whirlwind trip to Disney World. You can tell we are experienced park visitors, because we visited all four Disney parks (and saw almost everything we wanted to) all in three days! It gave us just the amount of magic that I think we all needed, though we still have Disney on the brain.<br />
<br />About a year ago now, my mother learned that the work conference she attends annually would be held this year at the Walt Disney World Swan. From that moment we talked about doing a weekend trip, but we officially started planning this fall. At that time this trip was definitely bittersweet. I couldn't wait to get back to Disney, but I still wasn't pregnant. I feared that this trip would end up like our last Disney trip and our cruise the following year, marred by the fact I wasn't pregnant. Thankfully that wasn't the case and once we knew our cycle was successfully, we joyfully continued planning the trip.<br />
<br />
Because I only had one personal day left for the school year, my father, Sean and I decided to leave Friday evening. Our flight was originally scheduled for about 6:30, but the time was pushed back to 7:40 a few months prior to the date. I got home from work that day, finished packing and listened to Pumpkin's heartbeat one more time, and then we were in the car heading to Logan, only to find out our flight was delayed because of weather until 8:40. Because of this we didn't get down to Florida until around midnight and walked into the hotel closer to 2 AM. However even that late arrival wouldn't dampen our attempts at four parks in three days.<br />
<br />
We woke up bright and early on Saturday and were in the Magic Kingdom by around 9:30. There was a time in our planning that we didn't plan on going to Magic Kingdom until Sunday, but that just seemed wrong. It felt fantastic walking into the park and knowing that that Sean and I were parents and that soon we would be bringing our own child into the parks. The site of families no longer brought tears to my eyes. Instead I was reveling in all the things we could do with our child. After hitting everything we wanted to (and purchasing more than necessary), we went back to the room for some afternoon drinks (ice cream for the pregnant lady) and a much needed nap.<br />
<br />
After about an hour and a half, we were up and ready to head to park number two, Disney's Hollywood Studios (still MGM in my heart). We didn't do many of the rides there, but we were able to get a few in. My mother, slightly begrudgingly, passed by Rock N' Roller Coaster without riding, seeing as though she couldn't quite convince Sean to ride. We were able to have a fun dinner at the 50's Prime Time Cafe and then watched Fantasmic. The best part of the show was watching the family in front of us. It appeared to be an extended family (grandparents, aunts, cousins), but there were two small girls who were dressed up and had the best reactions when a new character stepped on stage.<br />
<br />
Sunday was devoted to Epcot, with a morning of golf for the guys. We were able to spend a good part of the morning in Future World. Mom and I even got to ride twice! After our afternoon break, we were able to explore the World Showcase for a bit. If there was one thing that we can say we missed was that we didn't really get to walk throughout the countries like we had wanted, but we had all done that before<br />
<br />
Monday was another early morning. We were headed to Animal Kingdom and it opened at 8. We all got up early, packed, ate breakfast and were in the car by 8:05. Animal Kingdom was the first place where I had to sit out a ride, the safari. Instead I walked around a little and just relaxed. It was funny to look at the row of benches in front of the exit because it was filled with ladies with little bellies. After the safari, we did most of the walking tours, the festival of the Lion King show (best show in Disney) and I convinced mom and Sean to go on Everest (I don't think they have forgive me yet). After a little more shopping, we were heading back to airport to fly home. I don't know if it was the car ride, the exhaustion, the lack of good food, or a combination, but by the time we reached the airport I wasn't feeling too well. I was very happy to get on the plane and take a nap. Our whirlwind trip was over.<br />
<br />
I may have not been able to feel Pumpkin's excitement for the trip, but Pumpkin sure will have many memories of the trip. We came home with a rather large Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal, a swaddled Simba stuffed animal, a pair of Mickey PJs and about three different onesies. Most of this was from Meme and Pepe; they are getting the spoiling in early. <br />
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Overall, we had a fantastic trip and I can't wait until we can take Pumpkin again; this time out of my uterus. I know there will be many memories made there in the future.<br />
<br />
On other news, I'm doing very well. I had an appointment yesterday and everything looks great. Pumpkin's heartbeat was beating strong at 140 beats per minute. The best news was that we get to have our anatomy scan in about three weeks! We will finally get to know if we are having a Lucas Alphonse or an Olivia Natalie. Stay tuned!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-68623618827622434242012-04-12T16:36:00.000-04:002012-04-12T16:36:44.424-04:00I'm a horrible blogger & Month of firstsOkay, I guess I need to start off and apologize for not posting earlier. I left off with my cautiously optimistic post and then have been silent for over a month. I grovel at your feet for forgiveness! Pretty please!!!<br />
<br />
Now that that is done, let me move on with updates. Since my last post, I had one more ultrasound with the RE and then I was released! I had to keep up my progesterone shots for another two weeks, but those are done now as well. A few weeks later I had my first appointment with my OB. I LOVE her! She is very sweet and incredibly helpful. I was disappointed, though, because I couldn't hear the heartbeat or see Pumpkin that day. <br />
<br />
Because I'm so anxiety-filled, I bought a home doppler. It may seem strange to you, but I know many IF ladies who have purchased one since the years of IF doubts keep creeping it. It took me a while to find the heart beat at home, but now I can find it pretty easily. I love listening; it is the best sound in the world.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, we had out NT scan. The scan measures an area of the neck and using blood work results to give us our chances for some genetic disorders, such as Downs syndrome. At first Pumpkin was just laying there with his (because I swear it will be a boy) hand up by his face. The tech measured the heartbeat first. It sounded amazing and was at 154 bpm, which is great. She then wanted to get the baby to move a little bit so she could get all the necessary measurements, so she gave me a juice box. In a couple of minutes, Pumpkin was bouncing all around. It was so strange to see Pumpkin moving so much and not feel anything. I really can't wait until that begins! We did ask if the tech could take a little peak between his legs and give us a guess, but she refused saying she never does it this early. I guess we will have to wait until the beginning of June, even though that seems like it is forever away! <br />
<br />
After the scan, we met with the OB. She answered all the questions I had and then sent me on my way to get more blood work done (I thought I was done with needles!). Overall, it was a great appointment. I did receive a call today that I'm slightly anemic, so I will need to take a supplement throughout the pregnancy, but it could be so much work.<br />
<br />
It is amazing how many firsts I have experienced over the last few weeks. I had my first appointment with my OB. I heard Pumpkin's heartbeat for the first time. I had my first day in 2012 without any needles (and it was wonderful). I bought my first baby products. I brought Pumpkin to his first concert (Queen tribute band). I know there will be so many more firsts coming up in the upcoming months: Pumpkin's first plane ride and trip to Disney, feeling Pumpkin move for the first time. <br />
<br />
I still cannot believe that is finally happening to me. I really thought it would never come! I promise that I will update sooner. I can now stay awake when I get home from work and next week is vacation, so I will definitely post soon. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-76305167993445561572012-02-23T11:28:00.000-05:002012-02-23T11:28:02.437-05:00Still Cautiously OptimisticSean and I went in for our first ultrasound this morning. The tech said I'm measuring at exactly 6 weeks which would put my due date on October 18th. Even though there was a chance of multiples, we are happy to see only one little sack and our baby (which really looked like a little white dot). We were even lucky enough to see the heartbeat. This however isn't bringing me as much peace of mind as I would've hoped. The ultrasound tech mentioned that the heart beat was a little low (78 when it should be between 90-110) and that it should be monitored closely. Of course this started the tears almost immediately. Really? Can't anything go smoothly?<br />
<br />
After the ultrasound, we had a meeting with our nurse. It was so great to finally get to talk to her face to face after spending so many months talking on the phone. She assured me that we shouldn't be worried about the low heartbeat. I'm only 6 weeks exactly and the heart could've just started beating today. She told us that they have seen women who haven't found any heartbeats at 6 weeks go one to have very successful pregnancies. It definitely did calm me down, but I have to say that I'm not 100% relaxed. I now have to wait two more weeks (TWO WEEKS!!!!) to have a second ultrasound. At this point in time I will meet with the RE and hopefully graduate to a regular OB (which I need to find soon). Until then I have to continue with my progesterone injections and just keeping waiting cautiously optimistic! I really hope this is it!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057229287196818906.post-14273688867418226032012-02-15T19:32:00.000-05:002012-02-15T19:32:50.279-05:00Best Valentine's Ever!Sean and I decided awhile ago that we wouldn't buy each other Valentine's presents this year (even though he bought me roses and an Itunes gift card). Instead we spend Monday night wandering around Babies R Us and purchased a $200 gift card so we can buy a big ticket item once my due date gets closer. That's right I said due date. IVF #3 officially worked! Every new we tried has done the job!<br />
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I went in for a pregnancy test (beta) on Monday. My levels were 195, which was in the average range for 16 dpo. I went back in today (Wednesday) and was tested again. The doctor wanted to see a 66% increase. Well this baby (or babies) is/are definitely mine. My HCG levels jumped to 632 which is over triple the first level. This could possibly mean that there is more than one snuggled in. Sean and I will get an answer to this question next Thursday when we have first ultrasound! I can't wait to see them again. They have grown so much from the 8-cell picture I have them.<br />
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I have told a number of people since so many have supported us throughout our journey. I feel they deserve to know. We have decided not to fully out ourselves for a few weeks. We definitely cannot wait until I'm out of first tri, but we want to wait a little longer just to make sure things are going well. So if you found this post, CONGRATS! You must be part of the inner circle :). Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I will be sure to keep you informed throughout the pregnancy. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07389060107991269811noreply@blogger.com5