History Repeating

Over the last few months, I have felt that I am surrounded by pregnant women and families everywhere I go.   It doesn't matter if it is the mall, the beach, a football game, or even just driving down my street.   Everywhere I look I see baby carriages and pregnant bellies.   It reminds me of another time in my life when I was surrounding by one thing I desperately wanted but couldn't get. 

While I  was in high school, I could definitely be described as a little boy crazy, but I rarely was in a relationship.  I was with the "hockey puck" freshman year and then had a quasi-relationship with a boy senior year, but other than that I spent my time single.   Once I got into college, I started to have more relationships, though they may not have been the best.  Let's see, there was Mr. I hang out at gay clubs but I'm not gay,  Mr. Pathological liar, Mr. Agoraphobic, Mr. I am in love with my ex, and Mr. I don't want to commit.  They sound like winners right?  I was desperately looking for the right man for me and keep failing, which feels a lot like IF if you ask me.  I remember that with every break up or single time, I would be surrounded by happy couples and women with fantastic diamond rings.   I was so ready to have that myself that it hurt to be around those happy couples, whether they were my friends or simply strangers near me.  I remember asking myself "Why can everyone else be happy and I can't?"  This phrase has run through my mind and out of my mouth frequently over the last few years.

How did I eventually connect with the man who was made for me?  Someone had to step in and basically give him to me.  Why should I be surprised that the same has to be done for me to have a child?  As much as we would like it have been able to accomplish this goal quickly and on our own, that wasn't what was planned for us.   We had to go to someone who could help us in the right direction.   To keep with the analogy, I guess all the times we were trying are my relationships with Mr. I hang out at gay clubs but I'm not gay,  Mr. Agoraphobic, and Mr. I don't want to commit.  These were my shot in the dark relationshps.  I knew nothing major could come from them, but they were still fun while they lasted.   Mr. Pathological Liar and Mr. I am still in love with my ex could be the IUIs that we tried.   I had great hope that one of these relationships would turn into something big.  I tried my hardest to make them work, but neither did.  Hopefully our RE can put us together with the perfect embryos that will become out baby.   Hopefully our road to our goal isn't too much longer.  I just don't know when this not so fun piece history will chooose to repeat itself again.