Almost there!

The wait between our embryo transfer and the pregnancy test is almost done.  I go tomorrow morning to have my blood drawn.  It is amazing how long 11 days can actually be.  I am normally a very patient person.  What is with the giggles?  Oh ok, I am super patient.  FINE, I'm not patient all.    I can't take few days between putting the wrapped presents under the tree and opening them Christmas morning.  How did I really think I could survive this week peacefully?  It doesn't happen.  As much as I try to keep my mind off it; I am contantly thinking and playing my favorite game:  what if?  What if I didn't rest enough?  What if this cramp is implantation?  What if the embryos feel out when we went over that speed bump (yes that thought has really gone through my head?  I guess I just enjoy driving myself crazy.

The emotions that go along with the wait are exacerbated by the drugs and hormones that I am on.   Both sets of drugs are said to "mimick pregnancy hormones".  Fun, right?  I have double the amount of pregnancy hormones of  a woman who is actually pregnant.   With these hormones, come all sorts of symptoms that come and go and come again.   It is enough to make anyone crazy.   While I wasn't very confident to start, some days I was confident that I was pregnant, other days I spent most of the day in tears thinking it didn't work. 

I have been trying to focus on other things to keep my mind off everything as much as possible (which isn't much).   However, even thinking of our vacation next week doesn't keep me totally positive.  Just like our trip to Disney last year, I planned this vacation with the thought that this would be our babymoon, our last vacation as a couple.  The thought that once again this might not be true is a little heart breaking.  I am desperately trying to stay positive, because I know this trip will be a blast either way.  However it is very hard.  

In addition to vacation planning,  I am working at a theatre camp.   It is a nice distraction trying to teach 28 third through fifth grades staging and dancing for their show on Friday.  However,  baby fears creep into this as well.  What if I never have a child to send to a camp?   Will next summer be yet another summer where we will be child free?  Is it even possible? 

Arg...I am just driving myself crazy.   In about 30 hours it will all be over, for better or for worse.  I can make that long, right?