Harry Potter and the Failed FET

Last night, as I was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at 2 AM on the couch,  I thought about the first time I read this book.  I went to the midnight release (wearing a custom T-shirt of course) at Borders with my new co-worker and her friends.   It was definitely the beginning of a great, if not a little geeky at times friendship.   The next day involved a family cook-out and another Harry Potter In addition it was the first, and only, night I stayed at Sean's apartment.  This was probably also the first time that he realized what a dork I was.   I had the new book in my hands and just had to read for a little bit as we were heading to bed.   Little did I know it would be echoed hundreds of times later in our relationship.   At this point in time, we were a fairly new couple with our entire futures in front of us.  (On a side note, it was the same weekend Sean asked me to be his girlfriend at a beautiful beach in Newport). 

Here we are about 4 years later and in a very different place.   We have another failed cycle.  We found out yesterday that our frozen embryo transfer didn't work.   Even though I felt from the beginning that this wouldn't work, it didn't stop it from hurting any less.  Every rational and irrational thought flew through my mind.  Did the embryo simply stop growing?   Does Millie still not want us to have kids?   Only 24 hours, a pedicure, a gel manicure and a six pack of Sam Summer later, I am ready to move on.  However we have to wait at least a month to do anything.   That is one of the horrible things about trying to concieve, even the best couple only has 12 opportunties a year to get pregnant.  A couple undergoing IVF may only have 4 or 5.  We have decided to go back to the RE we are currently at and see if he is willing to change our protocol.  I just can't take doing the same exact protocol (BCP, gonal-f, cetrotide, 3 day transfer) when it didn't work the first time.  I am hoping he will change at least one  variable, ideally making the 3 day transfer a 5 day transfer.  If he is unwilling, we are ready to seek a second opinion at another clinic.

Now I am just trying to keep myself busy.   On Saturday, Sean and I are leaving on a cruise.  Hopefully it would a great way for us to get away from all of this.  However before that I have one more tramatic event, going to see the final Harry Potter in theatres with the girls.  I can't believe it's the end.   This series is something that I hope to share with my future children, whenever they may come.   I had hoped to tell my oldest the story about how they were part of seeing the last movie with me.  As stupid as it sounds, it hurts that I am going this one alone.   Just one more wierd deadline that I gave myself.    I really wish the wand my brother gave me so lovingly was real, and I could just cast a spell that would make my pregnant.  Sadly I will have simply watch all my beloved Harry Potter characters grow up and send children of their own off to Hogwarts.  Hopefully my own story ends as happily as it does for Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione.