Family? Yes! Pregnancy? ??

   I have been going to see an infertility therapist (A) for the last few weeks.   Good news, she told me I am not crazy (hard for some of you to believe, I know) and I  am actually dealing with all the infertility very logically and actually pretty well.  At my last appointment, A asked me a question that sort of caused me to stumble.  What do you want more a family or a newborn? 
    I have never been opposed to adoption, but I never thought of it this way.   Would I be okay if I could get my family without getting pregnant?  Or even without having a young baby?   As of right now, I am saying yes.   While I have long dreamed about getting pregnant and delivering a biological baby, I don't think I would be totally depressed if I had to by pass this step.  Would I miss the excitement of telling my family and the first few days with a new born?  Of course, but I know my family and friends would show me just as much excitement if I announced we adopted.  I know my colleagues would be just as excited to see my adopted child as they would be to see a biological child.   After talking with A, I realized there is so many more important things that create family than biology.
     I cannot wait to see my child's excitement as she participates in an activity she loves.   I can't wait to be able to share some of the things that I love so much:  theatre, dance, reading.  I can't wait for the first day of school, as well as spending all summer together at Meme's pool (which hopefully will be up and running soon).   I can't wait to see my child fall in love, graduate from high school, graduate from college, get married.   Not one of these things would be less special or less important because the child wouldn't be "biologically" mine.   The child would be mine and together we would experience all sorts of experience. 
      The child's first (of many) trips to Disney would not be any less special.   He won't be any less excited to see Mickey for the first time or to ride the monorail with Dad to get away from Mom.   My child's struggles and hardships won't be any easier.   It will still be one of the most difficult things for me to see my child cry and be hurt by the people around him.  
     It is all these experiences (plus so many more) that help to build and solidify a family.  It is these experiences, for better or worse, that I crave to experience.   No matter how a child comes into our lives, whether they are born in my body or simply born in our hearts, this child will become an integral and important part of family.   Definitely no questions asked.
    All this being said, Sean and I are just not ready to give up on having our biological child yet.   We have decided to take two of our embryos that were frozen during the last IVF and transfer them.   Though frozen embryo transfers (FET) have slightly lower chances of being successful, there is still enough chance for it to happen that we are moving forward.  I have been taking the necessary pills (estrace) since last week.  If all goes as planned, we will be able to transfer a couple of our frozen embryos, affectionally referred to as our popsicles, on July 1.  
    No matter how this cycle goes, Sean and I are not ready to stop or even really change courses; however, no matter how it needs to occur, we will have our family and we will be able to experience all the things that I am so looking forward to experiencing with my own children.