Tuesday, July 28, 2015

New cycle a little different than the old cycle

I've done this before and was actually successful one; I can totally handle this....maybe. For the most part this cycle is the same as the one that gave us Olivia.  The only the medication that I am not taking this cycle is an antibiotic after retrieval.  When I asked about the change, my doctor fully explained to me about the various studies that have been done over the last few years that show that the antibiotic is not helpful during IVF.  This is one of the reasons I chose Brigham and Women's; they are continuing to research and improve on their abilities.

My doctor has also been playing with my dosage of gonal.  I was supposed to start at 225 units, but after my baseline, my doctor lowered the dosage to 187 units.  I had a quite a few follicles so she wanted to take it slow.  I went in for my first follicle check after 4 days of stimulation.  I had only one follicle on each side, so my dosage went up to 225 to stimulate some of the "lazy" follicles that didn't want to grow.  Two days later I returned for another check and it worked!  I had a total of 12 follicles that had grown and still had quite a few smaller ones left.  To ensure that too many didn't pop up, my dosage was dropped back down to 187 units.  Ovarian stimulation is a careful dance between enough mature follicles and too many.  Not enough can lead to not enough mature eggs and lower chances of having success; too many can lead to poor quality eggs which can also lower chances of success.  I am actually glad with my yoyo dosage; it proves to me that she is actually looking at my scans and thinking about my cycle as a whole.  It's not just "continue with the plan".

While these are only small changes to my protocol, there definitely is a few things that I forgot.  I remember feeling full and uncomfortable, but it wasn't as bad as I remembered right?  It was only a couple days, right?  Not so much!  I am currently on day 8 of stimulation, and I can definitely say I'm uncomfortable.  During a normal cycle, your body produces 1 follicles right now I have 12 follicles growing and a handful that are still small.  There is only so much room in my body for all these to go, so it is becoming difficult to sit and to carry Olivia.  

This brings me to another difference with my earlier cycles:  a toddler!  Having a very active (very clingy) toddler while completing a fresh IVF cycle is definitely taxing.  Not only are my hormones all out of wack and I'm growing more eggs than any chicken in my ovaries, I need to entertain and care for an almost 3 year old.  In previous cycles, I could come home and relax when I was too sore to move or I could take a nap if I was tired from the medication and early morning monitoring.  These things aren't allowed with a toddler.  I have been trying to plan activities and go places because hopefully there will be other children or adults to help entertain Olivia.  Now I understand this sounds terrible and like I want to pawn my toddler off on other people, but it's not.  I can be a better mother if Olivia can play independently or with a friend even a few minutes at a time.  At home when it is just her and I, I normally don't get any of these moments.  It also helps me from having to come up with creative ways to entertain Olivia when I'm so tired I can barely function.  (Yes movies and TV have been part of my plan as well...MOTY I know).

Having Olivia with me also makes this cycle a lot easier.  With previous cycles, my IVF protocol and what was happening or could go wrong was on my mind 100% of the time.  This cycle I don't think about it constantly because I have a lovely distraction and IVF miracle with me most of the day.  While I'm still trying to do all the helpful things through this cycle (drinking pomegranate juice, drinking fertility tea, eating eggs and avocados, and meditating) I find I'm not able to do it every day and you know what that is okay.  My whole self-being isn't hinging on the success of this cycle.  Would I be heartbroken if the cycle didn't work?  Of course! However the emotions are different the second time through.  Firstly, I know it can work. I know it can work with this doctor at this hospital because it did.  I have living (and talking) proof of that.   I'm no longer in the "could it?" stage.  Secondly, if we could never have another child, we would actually be okay with that. Yes we want another child, and I know something would feel off if it didn't; however, we have Olivia and she could be enough if that is all we are able to have.  All this doesn't mean that we won't put all we have into trying for a second, but the need isn't as dire.

I went in this morning for my third follicle check.  I am feeling very full and uncomfortable.  According to the ultrasound tech, "it looks like it's time".  It is definitely up to the doctor when to trigger, but it could be this week.  If I trigger tonight, the retrieval will be on Thursday.  If I'm not quite there, I may have to go back in tomorrow or Thursday for more monitoring.  I will keep you updated!

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