1. No schedule for newborns much to the stress of type-A moms:
As many of you know, I do the best when I know what the day will bring. I like having a schedule and following it (maybe that is what makes a good teacher). After reading and talking to our pediatrician, I was confident that Olivia would eat every two-three hours and then play for 30-90 minutes and then nap. HA! That type of routine belongs in a fantasy world with wands, horcruxes and platform 9 3/4s.
Sometimes she will eat every three hours and sometimes she eats every hour and throws a fit if I don't feed her. Sometimes she wants to play for hours after she eats and sometimes she falls asleep before even finishing her bottle. Some days start off good. She wakes up, eats and plays and then sleeps until about 2.5 hours after her feeding. She exhibits hunger signs so I try to feed her and she drinks a whopping 1/2 ounce and then passes out. There goes that schedule. I do plan on talking to the doctor next week about what type of schedule I should be trying to get her on though I have a feeling her real routine will come when I go back to work. I mean I don't even have a routine right now, unless you count staying in pjs until Sean gets home and showering when possible.
2. Bed time as exercise routine:
Ah the bed time routine! The miracle that will get your child to sleep! Right now our bedtime routine consists of Olivia fussing and crying for an hour while I walk circles around the house and Sean turns up the volume on the TV. Then I finally get her relaxed enough that she will take a bottle, so we rock while she eats and I read a story or two. Normally during this time, she is fighting to stay awake, so I rock her a bit more and once she is "asleep" I put her down gently in her crib, put the sleep sheep sound machine on and silently leave the room. I get on the couch or in bed and in less than five minutes she is screaming again. Cue me getting out of bed, trying to comfort her in the crib to no avail and finally rocking her. Not long after she is asleep in my arms and I gently put her in her crib, put on the sleep sheep sound machine and silently leave the room. I get on the couch or in bed and in less than five minutes she is screaming. This goes on for a good 30 minutes to an hour with Sean and I taking turn. Normally it ends with me in tears begging my poor little girl to tell me what she wants. Normally it is something we have offered 100 times throughout this process, such as reswadling, some more formula or a pacifier. By the time she falls asleep, she is sleeping peacefully but my nerves are fried and I can't fall asleep even though I have made about 20 trips up the stairs. Luckily she is sleeping between 3 and 4 hours at time so I can at least get some sleep.
3. Video monitors - Gift from God or from the Devil:
When Sean and I were registering, we decided that we would spend some extra money and go for the video monitor. We figured that it would help us keep a better eye on her. I'm not sure if the video monitor was such a good purchase or not. Yes, it allows me to keep an eye on her while she sleeps and stops me from going into her room constantly to make sure she is still breathing (though I do still have to check at least once a nap). I also use to check on her when she starts to fuss. It gives me a good idea about whether I need to go into or if she was just fussing in her sleep. However, there are definitely times that this creation is definitely from the devil to torture new parents who can't sleep. Many times at night she will be WIDE awake in her crib and just sort of looking around. If we had an audio only monitor, I would never know about these periods, which normally occur right after she get puts down. However I can see her staring at the camera. I swear she knows it's there and she knows that I'm on the other end watching and willing her to sleep. It is almost as if she is taunting me. "Ha ha Mom. You thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. It was all a trick and I'm going start screaming at any time." It is like she is playing a game with me, but no matter how much I want to I cannot turn on the screen until I see her eyes close.
4. Hot meals are a luxury:
Another thing Olivia seems to know instinctively is when my food is ready. She can be mid-nap and just as my food is ready she is wide awake and wants to eat herself or is just being fussy. Other than the times I have been at my parents and at the hospital, I don't think I have had a hot dinner since she was born. Now that she likes her bounce seat, I can normally get a semi-warm meal after I make her happy. From talking to other moms, I'm thinking that this will continue to be a luxury for the near future and when I do get to have a warm meal again I will be sharing it with her.
5. Too many days in the house creates a cranky mommy (and baby):
I have never been someone who has been happy sitting around the house. A day or even two can be nice, but more than that makes me cranky. Add no sleep to that and you better watch out. I have read all about the warnings about taking a baby out too early, but I'm sorry I just can't stay cooped up in the house. I was at the mall under a week old and I ended up fine (except for my slight shopping addiction). Olivia was out at 5 days old because I just needed out. Two days is my limit staying in and that is stretching it sometimes.
6. Sleep when baby sleeps is a myth:
I have yet to figure out how to accomplish this one. At first I was too paranoid to sleep. All that pre-baby education was great except it made me scared shitless of SIDS. After I relaxed from that, I just wanted to look at her while she sleeps. With the exception of nighttime, I don't think she slept anywhere but on me or someone else for a good week and a half. Now I have gotten to the point that I try to put her down when she naps and even try to get to nap in her crib at least once a day, so that gives me tons of time to rest right? Wrong. I have this nagging urge to make sure the house is picked up (the real cleaning I leave to my cleaning lady that I have every other week until the end of the year). Then there are times that I would like to actual eat (something I don't do much of anymore) and then there are even times I want to cook or bake (gasp). This is worse than nesting. I can't just seem to lay down and sleep. When I get to the point that I'm relaxed enough to actually nap, guess what? She wakes up five minutes later. All part of that newborn ESP I think. If anyone actually has mastered this, please let me know.
7. Everything can be done in steps:
I have yet to find anything that can't be done in steps and often very little steps: reading, phone conversations, dishes, even blogging. It seems that everything gets done now in parts. I may have 20 minutes here and then 5 minutes there. I don't know how many times I have had to stop and start something. The other day I jumped into shower and just as I got in, Olivia started screaming. I quickly washed my body and jumped out. I then spent a good twenty minutes wrapped in my bathrobe because I just didn't have time to get really dressed. I didn't get to washing and blow drying my hair until the next day; a process which took a good two hours. Now this blog is on session number 5 over the course of 3 days. Hopefully I can finish it now.
8. Don't be afraid to ask for help:
I honestly think I'm doing very well with Olivia. A lot of things just feel natural. However, I didn't realize how lucky I was to have help the first three weeks of her life. Sean was with me the first two weeks and my mother helped me out half days for the third. I felt great! It was nice to be able to pass a fussy Olivia off so I could make a bottle before she started screaming or to have someone else entertain her when she was awake because you just can't focus anymore. Help is necessary. I couldn't have survived. Now I need to work on asking for help when I need. When Sean comes home from work, I need to specifically ask him what I need help with. Just like during our IVF cycles, he does not naturally know how to help. "Please wash the bottles, please play with Olivia and keep her awake (a near impossible task), please wake up and handle this feeding because I'm going nuts." This is just the start of the help I will need; I'm sure it's just going to become more difficult.
9. Be better prepared than a boyscout:
There has been more than one time I have already been caught without something necessary. First it was a bottle. I was only going out for a little bit, so I didn't need a bottle right? Wrong. Errands take three times as long with an infant and I ended up driving home with a screaming newborn in the car. I also didn't remember to bring a pacifier so there was no way for me to comfort the poor little munchkin. I made sure that the diaper bag was totally stocked, so I wouldn't be stuck in a bad situation again. Or so I thought. Fast forward about a week to a get together at my parents. Olivia has a rather smelly bowel movement that couldn't be contained by her diaper. Her entire outfit had to be changed, but of course I had one in my diaper bag. Of course not! Why would I think of that? Luckily my aunt had given her some clothes that day, and even though they were 6 month size, we fit her in them so she wouldn't have to wear a towel. I can tell you that I keep at least one outfit in the diaper at all times. I'm sure this lesson will continue to be learned as she grows. As well as I think I stock the diaper bag, I have a feeling I will always be missing something.
10. Enjoy your angel:
The best part of the last few weeks is just having Olivia. I can't believe she is here already. I could just hold her forever. Even when she is screaming (and I'm crying), I just love her so much. Well the three years of infertility were incredibly difficult, they were totally worth it because we got Olivia out of the deal.
Here are a few new pictures for you to enjoy:
