A change has been made

On Monday, Sean and I traveled to Gillete to get our second opinion.   We left feeling incredibly confident in this new doctor.   She had some of the same adjustments that our RE recommending, including assisted hatching.  However, she had some bigger changes, including a new IVF protocol (Lupron) and a new progesterone (probably progesterone in oil).   Yes both of these changes mean more shots, but they were the changes in protocol that I have been begging for.  She also wants me to have another ultrasound to take a look at my uterus.  When I first went in to make sure my tubes were open, they noticed a slight abnormal shape in my uterus, which they then said was fine with a regular ultrasound.  She says that it is very difficult to tell irregularites from a regular ultrasound and recommends a saline ultrasound (fill your uterus with saline and then ultrasound), which I have also been asking for.   The only other change she would make is changing our diagnosis to mild male factor, something else I was confident about.

Overall I have to say meeting went well.  We had wanted to celebrate with a great meal at Gillete, but we were both still full from breakfast which we had eaten on the way down.  Instead we did a bit of shopping and then headed home.  During the ride home, we spent a lot of time talking about what to do next.  We both agreed that we wanted to go to with her, even if our current RE agreed to everything she recommended.  Let's be honest he has had six cycles to get it right and hasn't come close.  Would any of you give you doctor that many changes if you were seriously sick?  I don't think so.   I called Brigham & Women's the next day and made an appointment for Monday the 22nd.  Hopefully this can start out all necessary testing, so we can get started in a month or so.

You would think this would give me so much more confidence, but it doesn't.  Each day I wake up less confident that we will be able to have a child.   It really sucks that one thing that we both want so much is the one thing we can't have.  I try to put on a good act, but I spend so much of my time alone upset and in tears.  I am sure it doesn't help that this time of the year is so very hard for any infertile.   Almost any store I go into, I am bombarded by Halloween decorations and candy.  It is one more year that I will not be able to bring my child around.   Then after Halloween it all goes downhill.  Thanksgiving and then Christmas.  For Thanksgiving, we are trying to figure out which family will be the easiest to be with.  Which will make the fewer comments?  Which will be less child-centric?   Christmas is even worse.   Sean and I are truely considering leaving for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and really just pretend the days don't exist.  I don't know if this will truely be easier, but it definitely will be one less holiday where we wake up to only our cats.   Ahh I don't even want to think about it.

One week and then we can get started hopefully on the right path.