Sean and I are smack in the middle of our next cycle, a frozen embryo cycle. From our fresh cycle, we have three frozen blastocysts. We will be transferring one; we cannot even think about what our lives with twins would be like; we don't even want to take the chance.
My emotions and thoughts about this cycle are really all over the place. We have never had blastocysts to transfer at all during our infertility journey. This time we have three almost perfect ones frozen. Since the last time we froze our embryos, great advances have been made in the ways embryos are frozen and thawed. In theory, these blastocysts should give us almost as good as a chance to get pregnant as a fresh cycle. Some studies say that frozen cycles now are more successful, because they put less stress on you body. This would also be the last cycle that would give us decent timing with school. I would be due the beginning of June, so I would have a few weeks of maternity leave and then the summer. Not the best, but still better than the next few months would give me. All of this is making me very positive and happy about the cycle. This is also technically cycle 4 (including our canceled cycle); I got pregnant with Olivia on our 4th cycle the first time through.
On the other hand, I'm still struggling with all the babies that around us. There were numerous pregnant bellies welcoming me back to work. My facebook feed is filled with new babies, many of which have siblings Olivia's age. It is a continual reminder of what others can have and we can't. This is not a thought I want to focus on, but it help but creep up. Cycling, no matter how easy, also puts a lot of strain on our day to day life. I find that I am more tired and less patient with Olivia's toddler actions (this may be due to the medications, being back to work, lack of caffeine or a combination). It is not fair that she often pays a price for our infertility issues. All this just compounds to make the cycle even harder to deal with.
No matter my feelings, we are pushing forward with the cycle. Our transfer is scheduled for Saturday, September 19th. A weekend actually throws in new challenges that a weekday does not. Any given weekday, coverage for Olivia is already set. Now that it is Saturday; we struggled to find someone to watch. If everything goes well, they will thaw one blastocysts and transfer it. If the blastocyst doesn't thaw correctly, they will thaw a second and transfer the one that survives.
Hopefully this will be it for us and won't need to do any more cycles. If it doesn't work, I am seriously thinking about taking a break and meeting with the doctor again. This will be our 3rd failed cycle (2 frozen and 1 fresh). After 3 cycles last time (2 fresh 1 frozen), I changed clinics. I have no desire to go back to a clinic that only does ART, but I definitely would like to try a different protocol. Also I don't want to have the chance to give birth in the summer (especially July) since it would give me no maternity leave other than summer break.
We will see. Please send me all your fertile thoughts on Friday!
