Once an infertile, always an infertile

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but since it is National Infertility Awareness Week, I knew it was important that I did. 

I may be lucky enough to have my miracle baby sleeping in bed right now, but the memories and scares of infertility still run deep.  I have to be honest that I frequently fear that we will never be able to give Olivia a sibling.   I wonder if waiting until she gets a little is really a good idea.  What if it doesn't happen naturally?  What if we need to go to IVF and run out of insurance coverage?  Would I be able to handle the stress of an IVF cycle with a toddler?  Don't get me wrong, I love every single minute with her (even when she is screaming because she is so tired but she refuses to sleep); however, I feel a pang when I see a family with two kids or I see the new baby at daycare with her brother.  I know how hard I fought for Olivia and I know I would fight that hard for another, but do I have it in me?

The infertility also attacks when I see or hear of people who have an "oops" or it just happens easily.  I still have numerous friends who are struggling to add to their families, and one has gone through more heartbreak than anyone should have to.  Why are they still trying after all this time and it just happens for others? 

The one good thing about my infertility is that it has brought me some new friends.  When I started to struggle, I couldn't really connect with anyone in my real life, so I looked to online support boards.  From there I started meeting with a group of girls in my area who were also TTC.   All five of us had to have some sort of infertility treatment.   It was this that has helped us to become closer.  No matter how different we are, and we definitely have our differences, this one thing brings us closer more than any of those differences tear us apart.  By being open about my infertility, I have made even more connections.  As with anything else, it is important to talk with someone who knows what you are going through.  Women who have struggled to conceive just seem to have this bond.  We may not even really know each but we support each other in the hard times and celebrate each other in the good times. 

Infertility is something that still is taboo for many to talk about, and many people just don't fully understand how difficult this disease it.  To learn more about infertility, causes, treatments and ways to support those who are struggling with the disease, visit the RESOLVE, the national infertility association, website at http://www.resolve.org/.