Update & the checklist

I guess my track record of being a bad blogger still stands.  I've been leaving you off with such cliff hangers and then nothing.   Over a month ago, Sean and I found out that we are having a baby girl!  I was shocked.  I made the ultrasound tech check two or three times because I was so sure that it was a boy.   I would have been ecstatic with either a boy or a girl, but I always wanted a girl.   I hope that she likes to dance because my mom and I had so many good experiences dancing.   Since finding out, I have had to really control myself when it comes to shopping, because there is just way too many cute pink things!   We have picked out bedding and a color scheme for the nursery.  The walls will be gray & white with black and pink accents.   Sean was vehemently opposed to pink walls, but I think this one home choice that he is right about.  I think the gray will look fantastic.

Even though I have been off for the summer, I seem to have not accomplished any of the things that I have set out to do.  Check out my to do list and all I have accomplished (HA!):

• Organize cabinets in the kitchen
• Organize pantry
• Clean out nursery closet
• Organize master closet
• Clean out chest freezer
• Order shower decor
• Create ultrasound poster & diaper cake for shower
• Wash and put away Olivia's clothes (thanks Liz for all the stuff!)
• Set up nursery
• Write out unit outlines for maternity leave sub

3 out of 10 completed or 70% left (look at those math skills!).   Okay I know it is only 3rd week of vacation and I took a graduate class the first, but I figured if I did a little every day it would be done early.   I can't touch any of the nursery stuff until after next weekend when the nursery is done.  However all I want to do is sit in the sun and read or go in the pool or sit in the air conditioning and watch junk TV.  

It also doesn't help that I seem to spend more time packing, unpacking and doing vacation laundry than anything else.   Every weekend I'm going somewhere.   Last weekend we did a big family trip to ME, this Sunday-Tuesday I'm heading down to the Cape to stay with the Grimleys, next weekend my mom and I are going to NYC, and then the following weekend Sean and I are going to Boston for a work trip.   The suitcase is permanently on the floor in our bedroom and stressing out our cats.

I promise (at least I hope to) to update sooner rather than later.   

Four Parks in Three Days!

Sean, my parents, Pumpkin and I returned home late on Monday night from a whirlwind trip to Disney World.   You can tell we are experienced park visitors, because we visited all four Disney parks (and saw almost everything we wanted to) all in three days!   It gave us just the amount of magic that I think we all needed, though we still have Disney on the brain.

About a year ago now, my mother learned that the work conference she attends annually would be held this year at the Walt Disney World Swan.   From that moment we talked about doing a weekend trip, but we officially started planning this fall.  At that time this trip was definitely bittersweet.  I couldn't wait to get back to Disney, but I still wasn't pregnant.  I feared that this trip would end up like our last Disney trip and our cruise the following year, marred by the fact I wasn't pregnant.   Thankfully that wasn't the case and once we knew our cycle was successfully, we joyfully continued planning the trip.

Because I only had one personal day left for the school year, my father, Sean and I decided to leave Friday evening.  Our flight was originally scheduled for about 6:30, but the time was pushed back to 7:40 a few months prior to the date.   I got home from work that day, finished packing and listened to Pumpkin's heartbeat one more time, and then we were in the car heading to Logan, only to find out our flight was delayed because of weather until 8:40.   Because of this we didn't get down to Florida until around midnight and walked into the hotel closer to 2 AM.   However even that late arrival wouldn't dampen our attempts at four parks in three days.

We woke up bright and early on Saturday and were in the Magic Kingdom by around 9:30.  There was a time in our planning that we didn't plan on going to Magic Kingdom until Sunday, but that just seemed wrong.   It felt fantastic walking into the park and knowing that that Sean and I were parents and that soon we would be bringing our own child into the parks.   The site of families no longer brought tears to my eyes.  Instead I was reveling in all the things we could do with our child.  After hitting everything we wanted to (and purchasing more than necessary), we went back to the room for some afternoon drinks (ice cream for the pregnant lady) and a much needed nap.

After about an hour and a half, we were up and ready to head to park number two, Disney's Hollywood Studios (still MGM in my heart).   We didn't do many of the rides there, but we were able to get a few in.  My mother, slightly begrudgingly, passed by Rock N' Roller Coaster without riding, seeing as though she couldn't quite convince Sean to ride.   We were able to have a fun dinner at the 50's Prime Time Cafe and then watched Fantasmic.  The best part of the show was watching the family in front of us.  It appeared to be an extended family (grandparents, aunts, cousins), but there were two small girls who were dressed up and had the best reactions when a new character stepped on stage.

Sunday was devoted to Epcot, with a morning of golf for the guys.   We were able to spend a good part of the morning in Future World.  Mom and I even got to ride twice!   After our afternoon break, we were able to explore the World Showcase for a bit.  If there was one thing that we can say we missed was that we didn't really get to walk throughout the countries like we had wanted, but we had all done that before

Monday was another early morning.   We were headed to Animal Kingdom and it opened at 8.   We all got up early, packed, ate breakfast and were in the car by 8:05.   Animal Kingdom was the first place where I had to sit out a ride, the safari.  Instead I walked around a little and just relaxed.  It was funny to look at the row of benches in front of the exit because it was filled with ladies with little bellies.  After the safari, we did most of the walking tours, the festival of the Lion King show (best show in Disney) and I convinced mom and Sean to go on Everest (I don't think they have forgive me yet).   After a little more shopping, we were heading back to airport to fly home.   I don't know if it was the car ride, the exhaustion, the lack of good food, or a combination, but by the time we reached the airport I wasn't feeling too well.  I was very happy to get on the plane and take a nap.   Our whirlwind trip was over.

I may have not been able to feel Pumpkin's excitement for the trip, but Pumpkin sure will have many memories of the trip.   We came home with a rather large Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal, a swaddled Simba stuffed animal, a pair of Mickey PJs and about three different onesies.  Most of this was from Meme and Pepe; they are getting the spoiling in early.  

Overall, we had a fantastic trip and I can't wait until we can take Pumpkin again; this time out of my uterus.  I know there will be many memories made there in the future.

On other news, I'm doing very well.  I had an appointment yesterday and everything looks great.  Pumpkin's heartbeat was beating strong at 140 beats per minute.  The best news was that we get to have our anatomy scan in about three weeks!    We will finally get to know if we are having a Lucas Alphonse or an Olivia Natalie.   Stay tuned!

I'm a horrible blogger & Month of firsts

Okay, I guess I need to start off and apologize for not posting earlier.   I left off with my cautiously optimistic post and then have been silent for over a month.   I grovel at your feet for forgiveness!  Pretty please!!!

Now that that is done, let me move on with updates.   Since my last post, I had one more ultrasound with the RE and then I was released!   I had to keep up my progesterone shots for another two weeks, but those are done now as well.  A few weeks later I had my first appointment with my OB.  I LOVE her!  She is very sweet and incredibly helpful.  I was disappointed, though, because I couldn't hear the heartbeat or see Pumpkin that day.  

Because I'm  so anxiety-filled, I bought a home doppler.  It may seem strange to you, but I know many IF ladies who have purchased one since the years of IF doubts keep creeping it.   It took me a while to find the heart beat at home, but now I can find it pretty easily.  I love listening; it is the best sound in the world.

Yesterday, we had out NT scan.  The scan measures an area of the neck and using blood work results to give us our chances for some genetic disorders, such as Downs syndrome.   At first Pumpkin was just laying there with his (because I swear it will be a boy) hand up by his face.   The tech measured the heartbeat first.  It sounded amazing and was at 154 bpm, which is great.  She then wanted to get the baby to move a little bit so she could get all the necessary measurements, so she gave me a juice box.  In a couple of minutes, Pumpkin was bouncing all around.  It was so strange to see Pumpkin moving so much and not feel anything.   I really can't wait until that begins!    We did ask if the tech could take a little peak between his legs and give us a guess, but she refused saying she never does it this early.  I guess we will have to wait until the beginning of June, even though that seems like it is forever away!  

After the scan, we met with the OB.  She answered all the questions I had and then sent me on my way to get more blood work done (I thought I was done with needles!).   Overall, it was a great appointment.  I did receive a call today that I'm slightly anemic, so I will need to take a supplement throughout the pregnancy, but it could be so much work.

It is amazing how many firsts I have experienced over the last few weeks.  I had my first appointment with my OB.  I heard Pumpkin's heartbeat for the first time.  I had my first day in 2012 without any needles (and it was wonderful).   I bought my first baby products.  I brought Pumpkin to his first concert (Queen tribute band).  I know there will be so many more firsts coming up in the upcoming months:  Pumpkin's first plane ride and trip to Disney, feeling Pumpkin move for the first time.  

I still cannot believe that is finally happening to me.   I really thought it would never come!  I promise that I will update sooner.  I can now stay awake when I get home from work and next week is vacation, so I will definitely post soon. 

Still Cautiously Optimistic

Sean and I went in for our first ultrasound this morning.   The tech said I'm measuring at exactly 6 weeks which would put my due date on October 18th.   Even though there was a chance of multiples, we are happy to see only one little sack and our baby (which really looked like a little white dot).  We were even lucky enough to see the heartbeat.  This however isn't bringing me as much peace of mind as I would've hoped.   The ultrasound tech mentioned that the heart beat was a little low (78 when it should be between 90-110) and that it should be monitored closely.  Of course this started the tears almost immediately.  Really? Can't anything go smoothly?

After the ultrasound, we had a meeting with our nurse.  It was so great to finally get to talk to her face to face after spending so many months talking on the phone.   She assured me that we shouldn't be worried about the low heartbeat.  I'm only 6 weeks exactly and the heart could've just started beating today.  She told us that they have seen women who haven't found any heartbeats at 6 weeks go one to have very successful pregnancies.  It definitely did calm me down, but I have to say that I'm not 100% relaxed.   I now have to wait two more weeks (TWO WEEKS!!!!) to have a second ultrasound.  At this point in time I will meet with the RE and hopefully graduate to a regular OB (which I need to find soon).    Until then I have to continue with my progesterone injections and just keeping waiting cautiously optimistic!  I really hope this is it!

Best Valentine's Ever!

Sean and I decided awhile ago that we wouldn't buy each other Valentine's presents this year (even though he bought me roses and an Itunes gift card).  Instead we spend Monday night wandering around Babies R Us and purchased a $200 gift card so we can buy a big ticket item once my due date gets closer.  That's right I said due date.   IVF #3 officially worked!  Every new we tried has done the job!

I went in for a pregnancy test (beta) on Monday.  My levels were 195, which was in the average range for 16 dpo.   I went back in today (Wednesday) and was tested again. The doctor wanted to see a 66% increase.  Well this baby (or babies) is/are definitely mine.  My HCG levels jumped to 632 which is over triple the first level.   This could possibly mean that there is more than one snuggled in.   Sean and I will get an answer to this question next Thursday when we have first ultrasound!   I can't wait to see them again.  They have grown so much from the 8-cell picture I have them.

I have told a number of people since so many have supported us throughout our journey.  I feel they deserve to know.   We have decided not to fully out ourselves for a few weeks.  We definitely cannot wait until I'm out of first tri, but we want to wait a little longer just to make sure things are going well.  So if you found this post, CONGRATS! You must be part of the inner circle :).    Thank you for sharing this journey with us.  I will be sure to keep you informed throughout the pregnancy. 

Halfway there

I'm currently 7dp3dt and my beta (pregnancy) test in next Monday 13dp3dt; in less than a week I will know whether this cycle has worked or not.   I really love thinking that it is going to work, but I don't exactly "feel" pregnant.  On the same note, I don't exactly feel as though AF is coming either.  It is interesting though that I'm aware of every cramp, gurgle and pinch that occurs in my abdomen; what all this means I have no clue.   How do you plan for such an event?   Women trying to get pregnant the natural way never really know that there was a living embryo in their uterus.  I really think a negative after an IVF cycle is very different than any other cycle.  However medically speaking, a failed IVF cycle is simply a failed cycle.  There is no acknowledgement of the living embryo that was in your uterus.   Right now I equate this more with a miscarriage than with a failed natural cycle.  I know that there was a growing embryo, but just like a miscarriage it couldn't thrive.  I will have lost a child just as much as everyone; it's just that no one looks at it so.  That makes it a little harder to get over.   I have photo proof of the six children I have already lost, something a lot of women who miscarriage do not.  

I'm currently trying to live by the motto my therapist gave when I first met with her: "Expect the worse, but hope for the best".   While I have some great ideas of what will happen if I finally get the BFP:  trip to Babies R Us, some great phone calls and a celebratory dinner (mother's don't have to cook, right?); I'm trying to focus on how I will respond if it is negative.   Hopefully I will be home by the time I get the call and I can spend the night crying into a bottle (or two) of wine before putting away baby's first (and only) picture away.  Then I will somehow try to move forward with everything.

Hopefully all of this will be moot and next week I will be buying baby products and we will be discussing baby names (which will probably take a good 12 months to agree).  Hopefully our family trip to Disney in May will be a true family trip and we can take our first family picture in front of the castle.  Hopefully I will be yet one more woman who overcame infertility.

Love bugs on board

Yesterday about 2:30 we transferred two 8-cell great quality embryos.  The entire experience was so much more relaxed than my previous three transfers.   I always felt like I was a number who was rushed in and out, but this clinic really took their time.   Sean and I went into the OR and the nurse helped to get me settled in the rather attractive position.  She explained everything to me even though she had done this before bringing us in.  The doctor used a practice catheter to make sure everything was clear and then he transferred the two embryos.   Instead of pulling out the catheter right away, they waited a minute and then slowly pulled it out.   As the embryologist checked the catheter, we all waited and then the doctor and nurse started cleaning up the OR.  During all this time I was still laying flat.  It was nice not be whisked out right after transfer.   After exciting the OR, I was put in a recliner that leaned rather far back for about 10 minutes.   Even after this time was up, we were able to take our time getting dressed and leave.  In no way were rushed or pushed through.   It was a fantastic experience and everyone was so very positive.

The transfer begins my favorite part of the cycle PUPO (pregnant until proved otherwise).   Even though I have to continue to take progesterone injections and 6 mg of estrogen daily, it is the one time in the cycle that there is total hope that I will be pregnant and I am need to treat my body as if it is pregnant.   I take things easily (no heavy workout sessions....oh darn), eat healthy (well as much as I can), park in "expectant mother" spots (let's be honest I do this anyways but normally out of spite).   I get to really dream about all the things that will occur when I finally get that positive result.  Will I call Sean right away?  Will I go buy something special?   Will I just break down and cry?  We all know that the last option is the one that will probably occur.  Until February 13th, I get to think of myself as pregnant and that is one of the best feelings in the world.  For right now I'm not going to think about what I will do if I receive a negative result yet again; I'm going to try to stay positive and enjoy this time since there is a chance that I may only get 2 weeks of it.